


Hell Was The Journey But It Brought Me Heaven

by giantpanda



Series: What if... [15]
Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Addiction, Canon Rewrite, F/M, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 35,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27876761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giantpanda/pseuds/giantpanda
Summary: What if Claire's mother didn't drink the bottle of champagne?  A rewrite where Claire's mother lives and the affects that has on their lives.Title from Taylor Swifts' "Invisible String"
Relationships: Claire Browne/Neil Melendez
Series: What if... [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1799092
Comments: 286
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I have been working with this idea forever and am forcing myself to stop obsessively rereading and editing and finally start posting. I'm a little nervous about this one, so I hope that everyone enjoys it. Please let me know if there is anything you think I don't handle properly. I hope you enjoy this new story!

As Claire got ready to leave, she was filled with a giddiness that she hadn’t felt for a while. As the first resident to lead a surgery, she had been a mixture of nerves and excitement. Add in the drama with Alex and Morgan’s patient, the back and forth about whether Claire would be doing the surgery, and the actual procedure and she felt as if she’d been on a roller coaster of emotions. But it was well worth it. Based on the voicemail from her mom, they would be celebrating together over dinner. She was cautiously optimistic that this time her mom was serious about mending their relationship. Claire had lost count of how many times her mother had disappointed her, but she hoped this wouldn’t be one of those times.

She stepped onto the elevator, looking forward to going home. Before the doors could close, Dr. Melendez stepped on.

“Thank you again for speaking up to Michelle’s mom.” 

“You’re welcome,” he said, as he pushed the button for their floor. “I knew you were the best person for her surgery.”

Rolling her eyes, she said, “But you want me to be careful not to get too involved with our patients’ personal lives.”

He laughed, “You said it, not me.” He turned to look at her. “I know that you had her best interests in mind, and she was obviously struggling, but you need to be careful. Things could’ve ended much differently.”

She sighed. “I know, but Michelle wasn’t ready for the surgery with everything else she was dealing with, and if we didn’t take care of her, all of her, not just her gallbladder, then we’d be doing her a disservice.”

The elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open. They both stepped out.

“I’m not disagreeing with you. The care you have for your patients, makes you a better surgeon. I just want to make sure that you don’t get too close. You have to work on finding a balance.”

“I’ll try.”

“You did good today.”

She couldn’t help but smile at his words. They might have had disagreements in the past, but he always had a way of supporting her and making sure she knew that he believed her in abilities. 

“Thank you.”

“Any plans to celebrate?”

She hesitated for a second, she wasn’t sure if she should tell him about things with her mom. He knew a little of her rocky relationship with her mother, and the painful childhood that she had, and she wasn’t sure what he would make of her trying again to fix things with her mother. She decided to trust him.

“My mom has been staying with me, and she called to let me know she made a special dinner for us.”

“That’s good?” he asked.

“I think so. She’s trying.” She sighed. “Hopefully I won’t regret it.”

“Just make sure you take care of yourself too, and not just your mother.”

“I will. Thank you.”

“Have a goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

They went to their cars. As Claire drove home, she thought about his words. For as long as she could remember, she had always taken care of her mother. Even as a young child, she had learned what to do if her mother stopped her medication or if she had drunk too much. She had learned how to take care of herself as well, not being able to rely on her mother. She had learned to hide how bad things were at home. Claire had tried numerous times to cut her out of her life, but she always seemed to eventually let her back in. She was hopeful that this time things would be different.

It was something she had talked about often with Kayla. She wasn’t sure why she always ended up letting her mother back in. Maybe it was the fact that she was the person who was supposed to love her unconditionally and never seemed to know how. As with every other time her mother returned to her life, Claire tried to keep her distance. But as Breeze continued to show that she was trying, it became harder. She felt the ache of missing Kayla to talk through everything.

She could admit that this time felt different. For the first time, her mother had agreed to go to therapy with her. They had a safe space to talk about the past and the hurts between them. It was never easy to hear her mother talk about how she felt having Claire had ruined her life. The difference now was that Breeze told Claire that she had been wrong and that she was proud of her. Claire felt as if they were on the slow road to healing. She wasn’t sure she would ever completely trust her mother, or even be able to really forgive her for the things she said and did in the past. Claire’s hope was that they would be able to form a new relationship. She also knew it would be good for her to deal with the traumas of the past.

Claire parked the car and entered the apartment. She was hit by the smells of lasagna and garlic bread. She wasn’t much of a cook, having learned to rely on microwaveable meals and convenient snacks as a child, and she looked forward to eating a home cooked meal. She dropped her things by the door and took off her shoes. 

She started to call for her mom to let her know she was home, when her eyes fell to the champagne bottle sitting on the coffee table. It was the one she had hidden to celebrate her first surgery. She took a few more steps towards the table, the familiar feeling of dread filling her, wondering if she had made a mistake after all. Her hand shook as she reached out and picked it up. 

“I didn’t drink it,” her mom said as she stepped into the living room.

Realizing that the seal hadn’t been broken, Claire turned to look at her. She didn’t trust herself to say anything.

“I found it while I was looking for some bowls. I put it in here so I wouldn’t be tempted.”

She knew how hard that must have been for her mother. She felt guilty for not only thinking the worst of her, but also for keeping the temptation in the house to begin with. It was selfish of her to want to celebrate with a drink. She placed the bottle back down and went to hug her mom.

Breeze’s arms tightened around her. “I told you I wasn’t going to disappoint you this time, baby.” She took a step back and looked at her, framing her face with her hands. “I know how lucky I am to have another chance with you. I am not going to mess this up.”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

She wasn’t sure what else to say. She wanted to believe her. She was grateful that she hadn’t taken a drink. Claire stepped away from her mother and went back to pick up the bottle. She felt her mother’s eyes on her. She took the bottle into the kitchen, opened it and dumped it out into the sink. As much as she had wanted to celebrate her first surgery, she needed to show her mother that she wanted this too. Breeze was trying, and Claire needed her to see she was as well.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Breeze said softly. “You deserve to celebrate tonight.”

She turned back to her mother, “We don’t need champagne to celebrate. We’re going to eat dinner together and that’s enough.”

Breeze smiled at her as she went to take the lasagna out of the oven. “You can tell me all about your day as we eat.”

“I’d like that.”

Claire thought about all the times her mother wasn’t there for her, all the times she had hurt her through her actions or her words, all the times she had been abandoned by her. She knew it was going to take time, lots of therapy and painful conversations, but this was the first step. Claire was making the choice to really try to build something new. She was still going to be cautious, she didn’t want to end up broken hearted and let down again, but her mother was trying, and she would as well. She knew that they still had a long way to go, but tonight was a fresh start, one she hoped she won’t end up regretting.


	2. Chapter 2

Neil sank down into his chair and took a few deep breaths. He had hoped by now he would be over the joint heartbreak of things ending with Audrey and the loss of his patient. It had been two months since then, and he still felt as if he was going through the motions of being fine. His confidence had been shaken by his failure to save his patient and adding the loss of a relationship he had hoped would be something more, he had been miserable.

Thankfully, he had the residents to keep him busy and give him a distraction. Claire had been the first to perform a solo surgery. He had been proud to be the one standing beside her. She had almost lost out on the procedure because of her desire to help her patient, but he had fought for her. He knew she was the best for the surgery. While he felt her compassion made her a better doctor, he did worry that she would end up burning herself out by giving too much of herself. He kept an eye on her and was ready to step in if necessary.

The others soon followed her with getting to lead their own surgeries. Even though Claire was first, he noticed that she didn’t hold it against the others as they would have. Each of his residents had their own talents and strengths, but her combination of talents had her at the top of the class.

He yawned. It had been another long day. He was pushing through his exhaustion because he didn’t want to go home to his empty apartment. Neil knew he couldn’t continue like this, but for now he would as he worked to put his heart back together. Two heartbreaks in two years. He felt as if his dream to find someone to create a family with was slipping away. He ran his hand over his eyes, he still had time to find someone to spend his life with. 

He was pulled from his thoughts by a knock at the door. Looking up he saw Claire. He waved her in.

She came over to his desk and handed him a cup of coffee.

“Thanks,” he said, grateful for the caffeine boost. 

“You’re welcome. We got back the lab results on Mrs. Williams. Everything’s normal.”

He held out his hand for the tablet. He quickly scanned over the numbers and frowned. While it was usually a good sign when the blood work was normal, it was frustrating in this case. Between the scans and the lab work, they had been unable to find the cause of their patients’ symptoms. He was beginning to think that they would need to see about getting a psych consult. He motioned for Claire to have a seat so they could plan.

“What do you think we should do next?” She looked away from him, and he rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair. “Or should I ask what you already did?”

“I called for a psych consult,” she said meeting his eyes. “All the scans and lab work haven’t shown anything. Maybe it’s not something physical.”

“Okay,” he said. He knew that she was expecting him to argue with her, and he enjoyed seeing the confusion on her face when he didn’t.

“Okay?” she asked.

“I was going to suggest the same thing,” he said. “Although, technically you are supposed to talk it over with me before you get a consult.”

“You just said you agreed with me.”

“There are still protocols in place. What if I hadn’t agreed with you?”

“You’d be wrong,” she said, leaning forward. “And I would’ve had to convince you.”

He folded his arms across his chest as he tried not to smile. He had told her before that she was special, and he was glad to see that she was living up to that. He liked that she wouldn’t back down from him.

“How would you have convinced me?”

She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. You already agreed that I was right.”

“Maybe I’ve changed my mind.”

Her phone went off. She checked the page and stood up. “Too late, they’re already at her room.”

He shook his head, part of him was disappointed that he wouldn’t get to spend some more time pretending to argue with her. She always offered such passionate defenses for her diagnosis and he enjoyed hearing them, he sometimes even disagreed with her just to hear what she had to say.

“Dr. Melendez,” she said as she got to the door. 

“Yes?”

“You might want to actually go home at some point. You’re not going to help anyone if you pass out from exhaustion.”

He shouldn’t have been surprised that she noticed that he was working too much.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks.”

She smiled at him before leaving to take care of their patient. He sighed as he took another sip of coffee. She wasn’t wrong. As much as he dreaded his quiet apartment, he did need to get some sleep. Checking the time, he figured he would stay a little longer, at least long enough to see how their patient did with the psych consult. Although he knew he could trust Claire with her care, he still wanted to see what was going on. Turning back to his computer, he got back to work.


	3. Chapter 3

Her mother had been living with her for almost four months and Claire was exhausted. She had stuck with her plan to give her mother a chance, but she hadn’t expected exactly what that would entail. After long shifts at the hospital, she would meet her mother with their therapist to hash out their past. It was emotionally exhausting to revisit some of her darkest days. Yet, she knew it was necessary if she was going to move on.

Between the stress of work, worrying about her mother’s potential relapses, and dealing with the therapy, she felt as if she was under a lot of pressure. She continued to do her best to hide it from those at the hospital. She refused to let them see any weaknesses. She knew that she needed to be her best and she refused to let what was going on at home affect which she had worked so hard for. But pretending to be okay, just added to her exhaustion. 

As she walked towards the lounge, she tried to balance all the bags that she had in her hand. Her mom had gotten into her head that one of the things she had missed out on was baking things for Claire when she was in school. She had no idea where her mother had gotten that idea, but she had gotten home after a long shift to find an overabundance of cookies, cakes, and brownies. She had tried not to show her frustration as baked goods was the least of Claire's concerns as a child. She had taken a few deep breaths and told her mother that she would bring them to work.

Having already dropped off some bags at the nurses’ station and in the staff lounge, she planned on putting the rest in the residents’ lounge. Hopefully, everyone would enjoy the treats and she would be able to tell her mother it was success. She struggled to get the door open and sighed in relief as she dropped the bags on the table. She started taking out the containers. She looked up when she heard Dr. Melendez come in from his office.

“Did you rob a bakery this morning?” he asked, coming towards the table.

“I could’ve made this stuff.”

“Unless you’re sneaking off between surgeries, there is no way you’d have time to bake all this.”

“You’re right. This is all from my mom.”

He picked up one of the containers to see what was inside. “What prompted that?”

Sighing she answered, “Somehow she got it into her head that she never baked anything for me growing up. So, you all get to benefit from years of neglect.” 

She tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice, but seeing the concern on his face, she realized she failed.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” she said. She could tell by his look that he didn’t believe her, so she reached out for one of the smaller containers to distract him. “This one’s for you.”

“Thanks,” he said, taking it from her. “I can actually share with the rest of you.”

She smiled. “I know you prefer the corner pieces and like the cookies that are closer to burnt.”

“Not burnt just crispy,” he said. “I don’t want to eat a raw cookie.”

She shrugged. “Your loss. Those are the best kind.”

He made a face. “Only if you want salmonella.”

“Death by cookie dough. Doesn’t sound too bad.”

“As a doctor, you should know better.”

“As a doctor, I’m willing to take the risk.”

He shook his head, hiding a smile. “Ridiculous.” He held up the container. “Thank you for this.”

“You’re welcome.”

He glanced over at all the containers covering the table. “You might want to share some of this with the nurses.”

“I went there first,” she said. “And put some in the staff lounge too.”

“Wow, she really went all out.”

“As delicious as it is, I’m hoping she got the baking out of her system.”

“If not, you know people here will always be happy to take them off your hands.”

‘That’s what I’m hoping for.” 

“I’ll see you at rounds,” he said, heading back to his office.

“See you soon.”

She smiled when she noticed him already taking out a cookie. With a sigh, she turned her attention back to taking out the containers. Once she had gotten them organized, she sank down in the chair with a sigh. She was glad that she was able to share all the treats with her coworkers and knew that her mother would be happy to hear how much everyone enjoyed them. She just hoped that she didn’t take the praise as direction to make more. Now that she was sitting down, she could feel the exhaustion settling back in. She knew she’d be able to push it away once the day officially started. She wouldn’t have a choice.

She startled as the lounge door opened.

“What’s this I hear about you bribing the nurses with baked goods?” Morgan asked.

“Good morning,” she sighed. “My mom went a little overboard.”

Morgan looked over all the containers sitting on the table. “Wow, you’re not kidding.” She sat down at the table, opening a container of cookies. “So not so much a bribe but sharing the wealth.”

“Pretty much.”

Taking a bite of chocolate chip cookie, she said, “This is pretty good. What prompted the marathon baking?”

“She realized she had never baked when I was a kid. I guess she was trying to make up for it.”

“I’ll be happy to take any treats off your hands.”

“Good to know.”

“Are you okay?” Morgan asked. “I know things with your mom are complicated.”

Claire remembered when she had helped her before with her mom. She knew that Morgan could be supportive, but she also knew that she could exploit any signs of weakness.

“It’s good,” she answered. “It’s just an adjustment.”

“If you need someone to talk to,” she offered.

“Thanks. I’m good, but I appreciate it.”

Dr. Melendez came back from his office. “Are you two ready or do you plan on snacking all morning?”

“We’re ready,” she said as they stood up and headed to rounds together.

Claire was glad that she would get to work with him. While she did learn a lot from working with the other attendings, she felt as if she learned more from him. They seemed to be on the same page with patient care, and there was an ease to their working relationship that she appreciated. He was also the most gifted surgeon at the hospital. Despite her exhaustion and concerns about her mother, she was confident that it would be a good day. She pushed aside all thoughts about anything but being her best.


	4. Chapter 4

As Neil finished up some paperwork from his shift, he ate one of the brownies Claire had given him earlier. He thought about their conversation at the beginning of shift, and he knew she hadn’t been honest when she said that she was fine. As someone who had spent the past few months pretending to be fine, he knew when someone else was faking it. He also liked to think that after working together for three years, he had a good read on Claire.

He enjoyed working with all the residents, but he could admit that he preferred having her on his team. There was a comfort in working together that he didn’t feel with the others. He sometimes felt as if she was able to read his mind and anticipate what he wanted or needed with the patients. The others had shown growth as well, but Claire had settled into her talents and was more confident in her abilities.

He wasn’t sure if the others saw what he had seen lately. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, but he could tell that something was wrong. Her performance was still well above average and her patient satisfactory scores were higher than most. Yet something didn’t feel right with her. He wondered if having her mother back in her life was causing more problems than she was willing to admit.

As he worked, he thought about what he should do. As her boss, he didn’t want to do anything that would make her think that she had to share what was going on with him. However, he also didn’t want her to feel as if she was alone with whatever she was dealing with. She was talented and he didn’t want her to fall behind. Although, knowing her it was more likely that she would continue to succeed at work at a detriment to her own health.

He sighed, he thought briefly about reaching out to Audrey. The two of them had gotten back to the friendship they had before their failed attempt at a relationship. He was grateful that they were able to move past that without too much awkwardness. He realized now that they should never have attempted for something more than friendship. He wondered if she might be better equipped to handle this situation. However, he felt almost as if he would be betraying Claire if he shared something she didn’t want the others to know. While she was always more then willing to help the other residents with their personal issues, it was rare for her to reach out for help.

He glanced over at the lounge and saw that she was sitting there with her work. He watched her for a moment deciding what to do. When he saw her yawn for the second time, he made the choice to at least attempt to talk to her about what was going on.

She looked up as he entered the lounge. “You’re here late,” he said.

“So are you.”

“I didn’t want to have to take anything home.” He glanced at the empty containers. “I see everyone enjoyed your mother’s baking.”

She gave him a small smile, “She’ll be happy to hear that.”

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

“I’m fine. It’s just been a long day.”

“Claire,” he started. “I know I might not be the person you want to talk to, but I’m available if you need to.”

“I know. Thank you. I really am fine.”

“Okay.”

He started to head back to his office. He wouldn’t push her to talk if she didn’t want to. He had done what he could to let her know he was in her corner.

“It’s my mom,” she said softly. He turned back to face her, but she was looking down. “She’s trying to cram years of mothering into months and it’s exhausting.”

He walked back and took a seat across from her. He was relieved that she had admitted that maybe she wasn’t okay.

“I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

“I think this is the longest stretch she’s gone without taking a drink or stopping her medications,” she continued. “And she’s really trying.”

“But?” he prompted.

“But I feel like...” she cut herself off, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, you don’t want to hear about this.”

“I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t.”

He could see the conflict in her eyes about whether she should share with him or not. He wouldn’t push her, but he hoped that she would.

Taking a deep breath, she asked, “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I feel like every day, I have this anxiety, this pressure” she gestured to her chest, “That it’s all going to fall apart as it has so many times before. Right now, it’s good, better than I think it has ever been before and that scares me.”

“What are you afraid of?”

She took a moment to gather her thoughts. “I’m afraid to completely let my guard down with her. I’m afraid that I’m going to stop worrying and that’s when its going to all come crashing down,” she admitted. “I feel like every day I go home, I don’t even want to open the door. I worry that it’s going to be like so many other times. That I’m going to find her unconscious, that some stranger is going to be there with her, or that she’s just going to be gone.”

He wished he could do something to take away those fears and wished that she had never had to endure that pain in the first place. He couldn’t imagine what she had gone through as a child with her mother. She had shared a little about her past but hearing her talk now he realized just how much she had gone through. It made her compassion even more impressive. 

“I don’t know how to help with that feeling,” he said honestly. “Have you thought about talking to someone about this?”

“Mom and I have therapy together once a week.”

He shook his head, “Maybe it would help to go to someone yourself, to just take care of you.” He leaned back in the chair. “Your mother has spent a lifetime hurting you, and while it’s great that you two are trying to heal that relationship, that pain and hurt doesn’t just disappear.”

He tried to ignore the way she wiped at her eyes as she gave him a watery smile. “When did you get to be so wise?” she asked.

“What do you mean when?” he teased, “I’ve always been wise.”

She laughed, and he was glad to see some of the usual spark in her eyes.

“I know it’s hard with the hours we have here, but do you have any other ways to deal with the stress?”

She shook her head. “I used to go running or sing and play the guitar, but I haven’t done either much since mom moved in.”

“I think it might be good for you if you did.” He hesitated, wondering if what he was about to ask was appropriate. “Sometimes it helps to have someone with you. If you’d like, we could go running together.”

“Thank you. I’d like that.”

“I’ll be at the track tomorrow morning before work if you’d like to meet there.”

“Okay, I’ll be there.” She smiled. “I hope you’re prepared to lose.”

“Oh, you want to race?”

“Might make things interesting.”

“What would the prize be?”

“Winner buys coffee.”

“I look forward to it,” he said standing to leave. “Don’t stay too long.”

“I won’t. And thanks again.”

“You’re welcome. Have a goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

He left her alone and returned to his office. He hoped he hadn’t overstepped by offering to go running with her. He was glad that she had let him in to see what was wrong, and he hoped that she would continue. He pushed aside his anticipation for seeing her outside of work. He was being a good mentor and friend, helping a struggling coworker. He sat down to finish the rest of the paperwork before packing up to go home.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been two months since she had revealed to Neil had she was struggling with rebuilding her relationship with her mother. The anxiety and worry were still there, but it no longer felt as overwhelming or as if it would consume her. She had listened to his advice and had found a therapist of her own. She still went to weekly sessions with her mother but saw Dr. Malkin weekly as well. It was exhausting, but necessary. Seeing her own therapist, allowed her to deal with the conflicting feelings of having her mother in her life and to deal with the heartache of the past. She felt as if she was truly healing from the past and moving forward. 

She was grateful that she had Neil’s support. Even though she had been hiding her struggles, he had somehow seen through it. He had offered to be her running partner to give her an outlet to deal with everything. She had been nervous meeting him the first time at the track near the hospital. She had almost changed her mind a few times, but she went because she appreciated him making the offer, and she knew she needed a way to work through her anxiety with her mom.

_She had found him already stretching when she had walked up to him at the track. It was much earlier than she normally liked to get up in the morning, preferring to sleep in when she could._

_“Good morning,” he said._

_“Good morning,” she said, holding back a yawn._

_She joined him and started to stretch. It felt weird being with him outside of the hospital. She was so used to seeing him dressed impeccably in his suits or ready for surgery in his scrubs, that it was a little jarring to see him dressed casually ready for a run. While she had always thought he was attractive, seeing him like this just reinforced that fact. She pushed those thoughts away. Even if he had invited her for a run, he was still her boss._

_“How are you feeling?” he asked._

_“I’m fine.” He gave her a look of disbelief. “Really, it helped talking to you yesterday.”_

_“Good, I’m glad. I know the boss isn’t always who you want to talk to, but I’m always available for you.”_

_She gave him a smile. “Thank you. I do appreciate it.”_

_“Did your mom continue her baking spree?”_

_She laughed. “No, I think she had gotten that out of her system. Although, it makes me a little nervous about what she’s going to do next. I think she might be bored.”_

_They headed towards the track to start running._

_“Has she thought about getting a job or volunteering anywhere?”_

_Claire shook her head. “Not that she’s mentioned to me. I think right now she wants to focus on staying healthy, and as long as she’s staying with me, a job isn’t a priority.”_

_They kept a steady pace with each other so they could continue talking._

_“Are you okay with her staying with you?”_

_“Most of the time. I spend so much time at the hospital, which helps. It’s weird having her there sometimes. I’m used to being by myself.” They picked up their speed a little. “I think she’s starting to reach out to some of her friends.”_

_“Is that a good thing?”_

_“Depends on the friends,” she answered honestly. “I worry some of them could pressure her into drinking again.”_

_He glanced over at her, “You aren’t responsible for that.”_

_“I know.”_

_He seemed to sense that she didn’t want to talk anymore about her mother, and as they finished the first lap, asked her if she wanted to race for the next one. Agreeing to a race, they had taken off, she had pushed herself and barely beat him. She had laughed at the surprise on his face, and for the first time since her mom came back into her life, she felt as if maybe things would be okay._

Their friendship had grown since then and she no longer considered him to just be her mentor and boss, but also her friend. They never tried to hide the fact that they were seeing each other outside of the hospital. They invited the others to join them on their runs. They hadn’t discussed it, but once they noticed that they were unlikely to have company on early morning runs, they started meeting more frequently at that time.

After few weeks, the runs together had morphed into drinks and dinners. As she got ready to meet him for a run before work, she thought about the first time they had gone to dinner instead of for a run. 

_Claire sat on the bench on in locker room. She knew she needed to get up and get changed to meet Neil for a run. After shift they had a path they would take around the hospital. However, after a long, busy day the last thing she wanted was to go for a run. She was also starving, having skipped lunch for surgery. She was worried that he would be disappointed if they didn’t go._

_“Hey,” he said, walking down the aisle to sit beside her. “Everything okay?”_

_She noticed that he hadn’t change yet either and wondered if he was just as tired as she was._

_Fighting a yawn, she answered, “It’s been a long day.”_

_“I heard you had a few back to back procedures with Marcus.”_

_She nodded. She hesitated for a second before asking, “Would you mind if we skip the run tonight?”_

_“Of course not. It’s no fun if I beat you because you’re tired.”_

_“I think you mean that you’d be embarrassed when I beat you when I’m this tired.”_

_“Whatever you tell yourself,” he said with a smile. They raced each other often and each had bought the other coffee numerous times. He turned towards her. “You sure you’re okay?”_

_“I’m good, just debating if this would be comfortable spot to sleep.”_

_Laughing, he stood up. “No,” he said, reaching for her hand to pull her off the bench. “You need to go home.”_

_Her stomach rumbled and she asked, “Would you like to go get dinner?”_

_“I thought you were tired,” he asked confused._

_“Exhausted, but I’m also starving. There’s a diner close to my apartment,” she said. “No promises that I won’t fall asleep on you, but I do need to eat.”_

_He hesitated before agreeing. “Wouldn’t want you to starve.”_

_She had given him the address and they had driven over to the diner. She worried that this was overstepping the boundaries of their relationship, but she figured he wouldn’t have agreed if he thought it was inappropriate._

_Fighting back another yawn, she pulled in beside him in the parking lot. They walked into the dinner together. She had been there a few times with her mom and thought they had great comfort food. They were directed to a booth by the window. They talked a little about the surgeries from the day as they looked over the menu._

_“Hi, Dr. Browne,” the waiter said as he came up to them._

_She smiled at him, he was the same waiter who took care of her and her mom when they came. “Hi Michael, how did you do on your last test?”_

_“I got a 95%,” he grinned. “Your advice helped.”_

_“I’m glad to hear that. I told you that you’d do well.”_

_“Thanks, do you need a few more minutes?”_

_She glanced over at Neil and saw he was still looking down at his menu._

_“Just a few more. Thanks.”_

_He turned and left them._

_She noticed that Neil was trying not to laugh. “What?” she asked._

_“He likes you.”_

_She made a face, “He’s a senior in high school.”_

_“Doesn’t mean he can’t have a crush on you. A beautiful doctor who helped him do well on a test.”_

_“You’re being ridiculous,” she said, hoping he didn’t notice that she was blushing._

_“You don’t believe me?” She shook her head no. “Watch when he comes back. See how he looks at me. He’s jealous.”_

_She rolled her eyes. “I think maybe you’re the one whose exhausted. You’re seeing things.”_

_They continued talking about the surgery he had with Morgan and Alex. He wanted to see what she would have done differently._

_Michael came back smiling. “Are you ready?”_

_“I’ll get a cheeseburger and French fries, please.”_

_She watched as the smile left his face as he turned to Neil. “For you?”_

_“Same thing, please.”_

_Michael turned back to Claire, his smile returning. “Can I get you anything else?”_

_“No, we’re fine. Thank you.”_

_She noticed Neil holding back a laugh as Michael left them._

_“Okay, maybe you’re right.”_

_“Maybe. I think you may have broken his heart, Dr. Browne.”_

_“I did not.” She sighed. “I’m never going to be able to come back here again, am I?”_

_He laughed. “I think it will be okay, but if you're worried, I'll come with you."_

_He continued to tease her throughout the meal about their waiter’s intentions towards her. She knew he was never going to let her forget it. Despite her exhaustion, she was glad that they had come out to the diner together. She enjoyed being in his company._

Claire sighed as she put on her shoes. That had been the night where their relationship shifted again. She felt as if his offer to go running with her had been as a concerned coworker, but the dinners and other activities were things that friends would do together. She wondered sometimes if she was getting too comfortable with him, choosing his company over anyone else’s. She felt as if she didn’t have to worry about anything else when she was with him. She was able to relax. She knew that even if he would tease her, he never judged her. And the way that he would look at her sometimes was intoxicating.

Sometimes, she began to question if she was developing feelings for him, something more than just friendship. But every time the thought crossed her mind, she would push it away. Even if she did care about him as more than a friend, nothing would ever come of it. First, he was still her boss, and secondly, she knew he would never think of her that way. He was just being a good friend and mentor. Pushing the thoughts away, she grabbed her things to meet him.

She was surprised to find her mother already awake and sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee.

“Good morning, baby,” said her mom. 

“Good morning.” She grabbed her keys. “What are you doing today?”

Breeze held up the notebook in her lap, “I’m going to keep writing.”

While her mother hadn’t ventured out to get a job yet, focusing instead on staying healthy, she had begun to write songs that she shared with some of the bands she kept in contact with. Claire was glad that she had something to occupy her time with and was glad that she didn’t have to worry about what she was doing.

“Can I hear it after work?” she asked. Her mother would sometimes sing for her and they would work on the songs together. Growing up, her relationship with music and her mother was complicated, so it had taken a few of the therapy sessions to work through those issues before Claire felt comfortable sharing in their musical talents.

“I’d like that.” Breeze glanced down at her phone. “You’re up early. Going for another run with that sexy doctor?”

Rolling her eyes, she said, “You know I go for one with him almost every day.”

“What I don’t understand is why the two of you haven’t started doing another form of exercise yet.”

“Mom!” she exclaimed, hoping she didn’t notice the warmth on her face. “He’s my boss.”

“Is that all he is?” she asked, smiling as she took a sip of coffee.

She felt uncomfortable by the way her mother was looking at her, as if she was able to see the thoughts she kept locked away.

“He’s also my friend.”

“Maybe he should be more than just a friend.”

“That won’t happen,” she said.

“You never know,” Breeze sighed. “Spending time with him seems to make you happy. I like that. You deserve to be happy, baby.”

“Thanks,” she said softly. “So, do you.”

“I am happy, I have you.”

Claire went over and gave her mom a hug before heading out to meet Neil at the park. As she got in the car, she thought about what her mom said. She was right, being with Neil did make her happy. She hoped she wasn’t setting herself up for heartbreak.


	6. Chapter 6

Neil sat in his office waiting for Claire to return with the test results for their patient. He knew he should be thinking about the next steps after seeing the results, but instead as was becoming more frequent, he found his thoughts returning to her. She had been a few minutes late meeting him for their run. He had teased her about her lateness but had stopped when she told it him it was because of her mother. Concerned, he asked if everything was okay. She rolled her eyes and told him that Breeze thought she looked happy this morning. He had found himself examining her and saw what her mother must have seen. He had wondered if she had felt the same happiness that he did about the time they spent together. They had completed their usual course around the park, keeping a steady pace so they could continue to talk as they ran.

He wondered sometimes if he was pushing the limits of their friendship with the amount of time they spent together. When they had first started going on the runs, he had gone to Audrey to tell her about it. The last thing he wanted was for anyone to think that he was giving her special treatment. Without betraying Claire, he had explained to Audrey that she was having a rough time and he thought this would be a good outlet for her. Audrey had been understanding and supportive of his desire to support Claire. She had been the one to suggest that he open the runs to the rest of the residents as well, to help counter any accusations of favoritism. He had to admit he was relived when the others stopped joining them once they started going early in the morning. He continued to offer but was always happiest when it was just him and Claire.

While they didn’t hide the fact that they went on the runs together, he hadn’t felt the need to share about the additional time they spent together outside of work. They had dinner together occasionally, had gone to the movies and of course there was his favorite outing, when he discovered what a terrible bowler she was. He couldn’t help but smile as he thought about that night.

_They had a few rough days at the hospital, and he thought it would be fun to try something different. He had gotten them both a beer as he waited for her to join him. They had gone for runs together almost everyday and had started going to dinner a few days a week after work. He was looking forward to a fun evening. When they went running, she was very competitive, and he was curious how she would be with bowling._

_He fought a smile when he saw her walking towards him with her bowling shoes in hand._

_“Sorry,” she said as she sat down to change shoes. “Shaun was having a crisis that Morgan and I got stuck helping him with.”_

_“Everything okay?” he asked._

_“He’s having some personal issues with Carly. He wanted some advice on how to make things,” she paused as if she was trying to find the right words. “To make things better for her in bed.”_

_He held up his hand, “I don’t want to hear anything else.”_

_“I had to hear it, maybe I should make you too.”_

_He handed her the beer, “That would just be cruel. There are somethings that a boss shouldn’t know.”_

_“You better be nice tonight, or I’ll tell you.,” she teased._

_“I’m always nice,” he gestured toward the lane. “See I’ll even let you go first.”_

_She hesitated before stepping up. She turned to face him, “I feel like I should warn you.”_

_He groaned, “Please don’t tell me you’re a secret bowling champion.”_

_She snorted. “No, I’m not. Think about whatever the opposite of a champion is and that’s me.”_

_Neil shook his head, “I don’t believe you. You’re trying to get me to let my guard down so you can beat me.”_

_“I wish.” She glanced down the lane and then back at him. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”_

_He watched as she took her first turn. The first ball went right to the gutter and the second ball hit one pin._

_She walked down towards him and picked up her beer, taking a drink, she said, “I told you.”_

_“I don’t trust that you aren’t trying to swindle me on this.”_

_“I’m absolutely not making a bet with you on this one,” she said. “I know I’d lose.”_

_He went up to take his turn and got a strike. They switched spots and she knocked down a total of three pins. As they played the game, he realized that she hadn’t been exaggerating about how bad she was._

_About halfway through, he asked with a smile, “You know you’re supposed to knock the pins down, right?”_

_Rolling her eyes, she answered, “I’m trying.”_

_“Would you like some help?” he asked, having been watching her he noticed what she could do differently._

_“Please.”_

_He stepped up behind her and reached to place his hand against her hip. He stopped and asked, “Is this okay?”_

_She turned to look at him and he realized just how close they were to each other. He was used to them being in each other’s space during surgery, but this was different. He lost himself for a moment in her eyes._

_“It’s fine,” she said softly, turning back towards the pins._

_He placed his hands against her to change the angle she was standing at. He tried to tell himself that it was just like when he was helping her with a new procedure at work. Once he felt she was in the right position, he moved out of her way. He watched as she knocked down all the pins. She turned to him and took his breath away with the smile on her face._

_“Why did you wait that long to help me?”_

_“Honestly,” he said, “I still thought you were trying to trick me. I didn’t think anyone could be that terrible at bowling.”_

_She hit him gently on the arm as she walked by. “I’m not that bad.”_

_He glanced up at the score board, “You’re not that good.” He took a drink. “It’s actually nice to see that there is something you’re not good at.”_

_“I’ll get better.”_

_He went up to take his next turn getting another strike. She rolled her eyes as he came back down with a smirk. She took a drink and then went up to take her turn. She groaned when she got another gutter ball._

_Turning to look at him, she asked, “Will you help me again?”_

_He came up onto the lane with her and placed his hand against her hip again changing how she was standing. Reminding himself that she was still his resident, he made sure not to linger for as long as he wanted to. Moving out of her way he watched as she knocked down eight pins._

_“Not bad,” he said as they switched spots._

_“Thanks.”_

_He took his turn and knocked down all but two pins. He took his second turn and knocked down one more. He walked down to join her._

_“Keep trying,” she said with a grin, “Maybe next time you’ll get them all.”_

_He glanced at the scoreboard. “Still beating you.”_

_“For now,” she said, moving to take her turn._

_He shook his head as she picked up her ball. He watched as she positioned herself as he had shown her. He couldn’t help but smile, she had always been a fast learner._

_She looked over at him, asking, “Like this?”_

_“Looks good.”_

_She took her turn and knocked down all but one pin. She turned to look at him her smile lighting up her face. He was struck by how beautiful she looked. She took her next turn and missed the last pin._

_She came back down and grabbed their empty glasses. “Just think what the score would be if you’d helped me earlier.”_

_He laughed. “I’m not a miracle worker. I’d still be winning.”_

_She narrowed her eyes at him. “I will end up beating you.”_

_“Not tonight you won’t.”_

_She stepped closer to him. “We’ll see who wins the next game.”_

_“It’s going to be me.”_

_“Whoever wins the next game has to buy the other dinner,” she said leaving to get them another drink._

_“Wait,” he called after her with a laugh. “Shouldn’t the loser buy?”_

_He shook his head. As he waited for her to come back, he hoped they would have more nights together like this as she practiced her bowling skills._

He hadn’t told Audrey about these activities because he knew she would suggest that he stop them. It was one thing to go running with her, it was another to spend so much of his free time with her. If he was honest with himself, he knew that he didn’t want to stop.

Professionally, he and Claire worked very well together, and as they spent more time together outside of work, he realized that that comfort had easily transferred. He found that he never tired of spending time with her. She had shared more about her life with him, and he had opened up to her as well, sharing about his past and sometimes even his hopes for the future. He realized that there was no one else that he wanted to spend time with.

Sometimes, he questioned what he was doing. The comfort he felt with her sometimes felt as if it could be more than just friendship. Recently, he has begun to wonder what it would feel like if they were in an actual relationship. He would always push those thoughts away. He was still her boss, and anything more than friendship would create too many problems. Yet, late at night, he would think about what it would feel like if she was beside him. He knew what he was doing was risky, but she was worth the risk.

He glanced up as she walked into his office, he knew immediately that the test results were not good. He wondered when he had gotten so good at reading her without a word between them. He took the tablet from her and his assumption was correct.

“Did you schedule the surgery?” he asked.

“Not yet,” she answered shaking her head.

He glanced down at the results of the scan again. Their patient was a four-year-old, who was having issues with his heart. They had hoped that medication would show improvement, but things had started to get worse.

“What are you waiting for?”

“His parents, they aren’t ready for him to get the surgery.”

He frowned. He couldn’t imagine what his parents were going through, but surgery was the best option for their son.

“Did you explain why the surgery is necessary?”

“Of course.”

“Then why don’t we have their consent?”

She sighed. “They’re overwhelmed by everything and scared.”

“I understand that, but that doesn’t change what he needs.”

“I told them that we’ll rerun the tests in an hour, if there is no change or things have gotten worse, then they said they would agree.”

“What difference does an hour make?” He wanted them to be able to get the surgery done as soon as possible.

“It gives them a sense of control. They have been waiting for hours to see if the medication would work, after weeks of seeing different doctors to find out what was wrong with him. They need to feel like this surgery is their choice, not just us telling them it is something else they must do for their son. They feel helpless. I wanted to try to give them some idea that they made the decision.” She reached for the tablet. “You’re mad?”

“No,” he answered honestly. “I hadn’t thought of it like that.”

She smiled at him. “That’s why you need me.”

He bit back the words to tell her that her brilliance and compassion as a surgeon were not the only reason he needed or wanted her by his side.

“The results aren’t going to change,” he said, hoping that her desire to wait wasn’t also because she was hoping they wouldn’t need to do the procedure. 

“I know.”

“Go ahead and see if there is a room available in two hours.”

“Okay.”

He watched her as she walked out of his office, once again thinking about how easy it was when they were together. Pushing aside his thoughts, he went over the surgical plan so that when they went to talk to the parents again, they would be ready.

Claire returned to his office a little over an hour later with the updated blood work and scans. They both weren’t surprised to see that the numbers showed that he was getting worse. They headed to their patients’ room, to let the parents know that now it was time to perform the heart surgery.

Since Claire had been the one to talk to them earlier, he let her take the lead with explaining the changes in the results and how waiting too much longer for the surgery would make it riskier. He watched as she explained to not only the parents but also their young patient who had woken up when they arrived. He watched the mother who seemed to hang onto Claire’s every word. He felt a surge of jealousy when he noticed the way that his father looked at Claire. It wasn’t a look a father whose son was about to have life saving surgery should have. He wanted to say something but knew it would only cause trouble. He made a note not to leave her alone with him.

She answered all their questions, while she held the little boy’s hand. Seeing her with their young patient brought about thoughts about the family that he had always wanted. For a second, he allowed himself to envision that with her. He immediately pushed the thought aside focusing instead on the surgery needed to perform. They left to go get ready for the surgery.

As they walked towards, the elevator, he asked, “Do you want to get dinner tonight?”

“Sure, where do you want to go?”

He shrugged. “I think it’s your pick.”

“There is a new Italian place that opened up. We could try that.”

“Sounds good.”

As they stepped onto the elevator, he realized that it sounded like he was asking her on a date. He realized that his feelings weren’t as platonic as he kept trying to convince himself. 


	7. Chapter 7

Claire was exhausted and worried. Last night, she found a list of phone numbers to different restaurants and bars on the coffee table. When she had asked her mom about it, she had given her some excuse about how she was starting to reach out to see about singing again. Claire knew her mom well enough that she knew she was hiding something. She hadn’t accused her mother of drinking again but had been tempted to. She had snuck into her mom’s bathroom to check that she was still taking her prescriptions and had also checked the trash. She had gone to bed early but had been unable to sleep. 

Her mother and her continued to go to therapy together, and Claire thought that things were going well between them. Breeze seemed committed to staying sober and healthy. It scared her how in the last few months Claire had begun to let her guard down and believe in her mother. She no longer felt that fear as she opened the door when she went home.

She had canceled her morning run with Neil. It was the first time she hadn't seen him before or after shift since they started running together. They had gotten into the habit of either running together or going out for food, sometimes they even did both. While she wanted to share her suspicions with him, she worried that sharing it would make it more real. She knew that he would be able to take one look at her and know that something was wrong. It unnerved her at times how easily he could read her. She wasn’t used to anyone seeing what was truly going on with her. Although, she felt she was pretty good at knowing what he was thinking too. Just a few days ago, she could see that he was more upset about his patient declining a lifesaving surgery then he had wanted the others to believe. They had a subdued dinner together, where she finally got him to talk to her about what he was feeling. Just as she was able to let her guard down with him, he could with her as well.

Today, she was working with Dr. Andrews and rerunning the scans that their patient had done at a different hospital. As she sat in radiology looking at the scans of her patient, she tried to push aside her concerns for her mom. She needed to focus.

She looked up when she heard a knock on the door. She couldn’t help but smile, when she saw it was Neil. She felt the usual sense of comfort when she was with him.

“Hey, I just wanted to check on you. You sounded tired this morning.”

“I didn’t sleep well,” she admitted.

He came and sat down beside her. He glanced at the screen before looking at her, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” she said. She thought a moment and changed her mind. “Yes.”

“Okay,” he said, waiting for her to elaborate.

“I think my mom is drinking again.”

“Why do you think that?” he asked, concern in his eyes. “Are you okay?”

She had shared more with him the past few weeks about how her mother’s behavior would change when she was drunk. She had shared some of the things that she would do and say, and she appreciated his concern.

“She’s been calling bars. She said it’s just to start singing again, but I don’t know. She’s been acting really weird lately. She’s hiding something.”

He sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Do you trust me?”

Wondering what that had to do with her mother, she answered, “Absolutely.”

“She’s not drinking.”

She turned to face him fully, “How could you possibly know that?”

“Please just trust me.”

“I do trust you, but it makes no sense that you would know if she was drinking or not.” She frowned. “And even if she’s not, she is hiding something.”

She changed the angle on the scan, hoping that she could get a clearer image.

“Isn’t your birthday coming up?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” she asked, frustrated. “She’s hiding something and you’re talking about my birthday.”

She looked at him as she wondered what one thing had to do with the other. She felt like he was trying to tell her something that she didn’t understand.

“She’s planning a surprise party for you,” he admitted reluctantly. 

She made a face. “Why?”

“She wants to celebrate you,” he said with a smile. “Is that really so hard to believe?”

“How do you even know this?”

“She stopped by a few days ago, she wanted some suggestions on who she should invite.”

Claire wasn’t sure how she felt about her mother coming to the hospital without her knowing it. And part of her worried about what her mother could’ve said to him.

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“That would ruin the surprise.” He seemed amused by her dislike of the idea. “I did try to tell her that you hate surprises.”

She was relived to know that while her mother was hiding something, it wasn’t what she had originally thought. She felt bad that her first thought had been a relapse and not something Breeze was doing for her.

“When is it?” she asked.

“That I’m not telling you,” he said with a smile.

“Why not?” she asked. “What if I get stuck here for a surgery and miss the party?”

He leaned closer to her. “Because it’s more likely that if I tell you the date, then you’re going to volunteer for a longer shift that night.”

“The thought did cross my mind. Will you be there?”

“You’ll just have to show up to find out,” he smiled. “Don’t tell her I told you, she seemed pretty excited about it.”

She sighed. “I do need to apologize for assuming she was drinking again.”

“I think she would understand.”

“Thank you.”

His pager went off, and he stood. “Do you want to do dinner tonight or are you going to crash?”

She held back a yawn. “Dinner sounds good. Your turn to pick.”

“I’ll see you at the end of shift.”

She was relieved to know that her mother hadn’t slipped up. However, she wasn’t too thrilled about having to deal with a birthday surprise. Birthdays were never happy occasions as a child and were just another day as an adult. The other residents had gotten her a cake to celebrate last year, and that was the first time she had celebrated her birthday in a long time. 

She felt better after talking with Neil and wondered if it would’ve been better to have talked to him earlier instead of letting her concerns build. She valued his input and knew the feelings she had for him went beyond friendship. However, she continued to ignore those feelings because there was nothing, she could do about them, and his friendship was too important to her. With a sigh, she went back to work looking forward to their dinner later.


	8. Chapter 8

Despite giving her a hard time about trying to get out of her surprise party, Neil was the one who had almost missed it. His surgery had lasted much longer than anticipated, but luckily, he was able to get to the bar minutes before she did. Every day since he had reluctantly revealed what her mother was planning, she had tried to figure out when the party would be. He could tell when she walked in that she was only pretending to be surprised. He knew she had been checking everyone’s work schedule, correctly assuming her mom would pick a date when her friends from work would be able to attend.

As he had come to terms with the fact that he wished the two of them could be more than just friends, he continued to keep things as they were. He knew it was risky to continue their friendship, especially with his growing feelings for her, but it was better than not having her in his life at all. They were able to continue to work together without any issues, and he found himself looking forward to the time they spent together outside the hospital. The relationship he had with her was different than any of his previous ones. They had slowly moved from coworkers to friends, to whatever they were now. It was easiest not to discuss that with each other. He didn’t want to jeopardize either of their careers or their friendship that meant so much to him.

She came over to him and handed him a glass of whiskey.

“Thanks,” he said, “Were you surprised?”

“Just a touch,” she said with a grin. She glanced around at all the people. “I do have to say that most of these people are Mom’s friends.”

“Maybe she wanted to show you off to them.” He followed her gaze to where her mother sat talking with two gentlemen at the bar. “I’ll keep an eye on her for you.”

She sighed. “I’m trying not to worry, but there is a lot of temptation for her here.”

“Just enjoy yourself.”

“As long as you’re …” she was cut off as someone called her name. “Dash,” she said with a smile.

Neil wasn’t sure how he felt seeing the happiness on her face as she hugged Dash. He wished that he was able to be the one to hold her in his arms like that.

“Happy birthday,” Dash said. “I have to admit I was surprised to get a call from your mother about celebrating your birthday. Kayla and I always had to drag you out.”

“It was a surprise. If I had any say it wouldn’t have happened.” She glanced between the two of them as her mother called for her. “You remember…”

Dash reached out and shook his hand. “Dr. Melendez, of course I remember.”

She nodded and headed over to her mother, leaving them alone. Neil remembered that Kayla had wanted Dash and Claire to explore a relationship after she was gone. He had never brought it up with her, although he knew that she continued her friendship with Dash.

“It’s Neil. I’m sorry we weren’t able to do more.”

“Thank you,” he answered. “I’m just grateful that because of you I have six more months of memories with her.” He glanced over towards Claire and her mother. “Although I do wish she was here for Claire right now. How’s she doing?”

Neil wasn’t sure how to answer. He didn’t want to betray the things that Claire had told him in private.

Dash seemed to sense his reluctance to answer. “I’ve known her a long time, I’ve seen the damage her mother can do, I’m not fishing for information or anything, I just want to know that she’s okay.” 

“I think she is, she’s careful, cautiously optimistic.” 

“Just keep an eye on her, as much as she’ll deny it, she had a blind spot with her mother. She wants to believe the best in her so badly. After all she put her through, I don’t understand why.” 

“It’s Claire, I don’t think she knows how not to see the best in people.” 

He studied him. “You care about her.”

“We’re friends,” he said.

“Good, she deserves to have people who care about her.” 

He looked as if he wanted to say more, but instead excused himself to go get a drink. Neil noticed Morgan joined him at the bar. 

“Doing okay?” Claire asked, coming back to stand beside him.

“I’m fine,” he gestured to where Dash and Morgan seemed to be flirting at the bar. “Are you okay with that?”

He watched her as she watched them interact. He wanted to know if it bothered her because she wanted a relationship with Dash. He knew he would support whatever she wanted, even if it broke his heart.

“Yes,” she said. “I want Dash to be happy. He and Kayla were perfect for each other, and I hope he can find something like that again.” She took a sip of her drink. “Kayla thought him and I should get together.”

“What did you think?”

“Neither one of us wanted that, but we told her we’d try it to make her happy and bring her some peace. We did go out to dinner after her surgery and it was so awkward, not like when the three of us would go out.”

“She probably just wanted to know that her two favorite people would still take care of each other.”

“And we do, just as friends.” She rolled her eyes as Morgan called for her. “I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time.”

He watched her as she headed to talk to Dash and Morgan. He was glad to hear that Claire had no romantic interest in her friend. He didn’t think she did. He was happy to see that she seemed to be enjoying herself. He was pulled from watching her, when Shaun started singing up on the karaoke stage.

“That’s something I didn’t expect to see tonight,” Audrey said coming to join him.

“Me neither.”

“Although it is nice to see everyone out of the hospital having fun.”

“It is a nice break after the craziness of the week.”

He talked with Audrey for a while as Shaun sang a few songs before getting off the stage to allow Breeze to get on. Both were impressed by her singing voice. After two songs, she called for Claire to join her. He looked to Claire and saw her shake her head no, but her mom was persistent, and she eventually joined her on the small stage. He took note of the discomfort on her face. He glanced over and saw the concern on Dash’s face. He and Audrey went towards Morgan and him to get a better view.

Standing closer to Dash, he asked softly, “What’s wrong?”

“Breeze never liked anyone to take the spotlight off her, especially Claire.”

She had told him numerous stories about growing up and the way her mother treated her. The things she would say, and why she didn’t like to sing in front of anyone. Threats of beatings from her mother for doing better than her, made her stop singing in public.

“Hopefully, that’s no longer an issue.”

“Let’s hope.” He looked over at him. “Have you heard her sing before?”

Neil shook his head. “When she told me, she didn’t like to sing in front of people, I didn’t push it.”

“I only heard her a few times,” Dash continued. “And that was completely by accident. She was not happy.”

Neil wanted to ask him about how he had accidently heard her sing, but once Claire started singing, he focused on her. He was enthralled with her singing voice. She had told him before that her mother was talented but hearing her, he realized she didn’t give herself enough credit. He watched as she grew more confident standing beside her mother. Their voices sounded amazing together, although he enjoyed listening to hers more. After the song, the two of them came down and joined the group. As her friends fawned over her, Breeze left the group and made her way to the bar. Seeing Claire gaze on her mother, he glanced from Claire to her mother, silently letting her know that he was going to check on her. She gave him a small smile as he left to talk to Breeze. She stood watching Claire and the others.

“You sounded incredible,” he said standing beside her.

“Not as good as Claire.” She shook her head. “She always had this natural talent.”

“I’m sure she inherited it from you.”

“She was always better than I was.” She studied him for a moment. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“What are your intentions towards Claire?”

“My intentions?” he asked, surprised by her question. “I don’t have any.”

“I’ve seen you watching her tonight. And I know the two of you spend a lot of time together. She cares about you.”

“I care about her too,” he admitted.

“What are you going to do about it?”

“I’m her boss.”

“Then stop being her boss.”

He started to think of another denial but didn’t want to lie to her mother. He did care about her much more than he should and part of him was tired of pretending otherwise.

“Claire deserves more than someone who is just going to cause her trouble after all of her hard work and sacrifice.”

“She deserves someone who looks at her like you do.”

“How do I look at her?” he asked, curious what she had noticed.

“Like she’s your whole world.”

He glanced down as he took in her words. He wondered if anyone else had noticed the way he looked at Claire. Breeze wasn’t wrong, Claire had become everything to him.

“You should tell her,” she said softly. “She won’t tell you first.”

He looked up sharply. “Tell me what?”

They were interrupted as Claire came over to them. 

“Thank you,” she said hugging her mom.

“Happy birthday, baby. I hope it was a good one. I’m going to head home. Do you think you’ll be able to find a ride home?”

“Of course.”

Breeze looked at Neil before returning her gaze to Claire. “And if for some reason you decide not to come home, just text me.”

“Mom!” Claire exclaimed. “I’ll see you later.”

Shaking her head, they watched Breeze leave as Claire sat down on the stool beside him.

“She’s impossible.” 

He wondered what she would’ve said if Claire hadn’t interrupted them. He hadn’t allowed himself to believe that maybe she felt the same way that he did, now that Breeze put the idea in his head it was all he could think about. The two of them sat together talking as the rest of them slowly tricked out. He noticed that Dash and Morgan left together. 

Buying Claire another drink he toasted her for her birthday.

“Tonight, wasn’t so bad was it?”

“No.”

“See some surprises are good.”

She clinked her glass against his. “I’m glad you came tonight.”

“No where else I’d rather be.” He took a deep breath, “Are you up for another surprise?”

“Depends on what it is.”

He reached into his pocked and pulled out the birthday present he had gotten her. He had agonized over what to get her, trying to find something he thought she would like that would show her how important she was to him without revealing his feelings for her.

“Happy birthday,” he said handing her the box.

“You came to the party, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“I wanted to,” he said softly.

“Thank you,” she said, trying and failing to mask her delight in getting a present.

He laughed. “You haven’t opened it yet.”

“It’s from you, I know I’ll like it,” she said, carefully unwrapping the paper.

Seeing the joy on her face as she opened the present made him happy, but also made him wonder how many birthdays she had gone without celebrating and without any gifts. He thought of how much she didn’t want the party, and hoped that he would be able to make many more birthdays special for her.

“Neil, it’s beautiful,” she said, gently running her fingers against the necklace. “Thank you.”

After much debate, he had decided on a silver necklace with an infinity symbol pendant. He had searched far longer than he wanted to admit and kept coming back to this necklace. He hoped she knew it meant he would always care for her.

Taking it from the box, she asked, “Can you help me put it on?”

She moved so that she was standing with her back to him. He placed the necklace on her, his fingers gently caressing her neck as he fastened the necklace. He thought about how easily he could brush his lips against her neck but thought better of it. She turned to face him, and he realized how close they were to each other. Her hand went up to touch the pendant.

“Thank you,” she said stepping closer and hugging him tightly. “I love it.”

As he hugged her back, he thought again of what her mother said and wondered if he should say something. In the end, he decided against it. As much as he wanted things to be different, he wasn’t sure what would happen if they decided to explore a relationship together. For now, he would keep things as they were. Wanting more, but grateful for what he had.


	9. Chapter 9

Not much changed in the few weeks since her birthday party. Claire still went to the weekly therapy sessions with her mom, worked at becoming a better surgeon, and spent most of her free time with Neil. She had come to terms with the fact that she had fallen for him but would never say anything to him. She didn’t want to ruin their friendship.

She had a rare day off when Neil was working, so she met Dash for lunch. It had been nice to see him at the party and she wanted to try to see him more often. They both had limited their interactions to text messages and phone calls after Kayla died because it had hurt too much seeing each other without her there. Then they had both gotten busy and hadn’t had time to see each other.

As they ate, they discussed work and reminisced about their past. The ache of missing Kayla was still there, and Claire knew it always would be. Moving forward didn’t mean that they loved her any less and knowing Kayla, she would be furious if they lingered in their grief.

“How are things going with your Mom?” Dash asked as they waited for their dessert.

“It’s going well,” she answered. “She hasn’t missed any of therapy sessions and she’s been trying to make amends.”

“So, all is forgiven?”

She thought about her answer. “I don’t know if I can say that I’ve forgiven her. Growing up with her was a nightmare but building a relationship with her as an adult and trying to heal some of that pain is a good thing.”

“I just worry about you. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I know, but things have been going really well with her. She wants to be better. She’s really working hard.”

“I was really surprised when she called to invite me to your party. Since it was a surprise, how did even get my number?”

“She went to the hospital and asked Neil who to invite. He must have gotten it from my phone.” He was looking at her with an expression she couldn’t read. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said, as the waiter brought them cake and coffee. “Just impressed he had access to your phone.”

Deciding to change the subject, she asked, “How are things going with Morgan?”

Morgan had come to her a few days after her party to tell her that her and Dash were going to go on a date. Since Dash was her friend and had been married to her best friend, Morgan had wanted to make sure it was okay with her. While Claire appreciated the gesture, she told her that she wanted Dash to be happy and that Morgan deserved some happiness as well. They had talked a few times about how their dates were going, and things seemed to be going well between them. A surprising outcome was that she was becoming closer with Morgan as well. 

“They’re good,” Dash said, “It’s still new, but I enjoy spending time with her.” He sighed. “I’m lucky she’s patient, because it has been a long time since I’ve had to woo someone.”

“Woo? You’re such a hopeless romantic,” she laughed. “Don’t let Morgan hear you talk like that.”

He rolled his eyes, “Not everyone hates romance like you do. I’ll let you know she seemed to like the flowers I gave her.” He leaned closer, “How are things with you? I’m sure Neil would like a chance to woo you.”

She reached for her coffee and took a sip. “He’s my boss and we’re friends. That’s is.”

“Please, any one with eyes can see there is more than just friendship there.”

She ignored him. “And since when do you call him Neil and not Dr. Melendez?”

“Since he told me too. We talked a little at your party. He cares about you.”

“As his friend,” she argued.

“Where’d you get that necklace?” he asked.

Her hand went up to touch the infinity necklace that she hadn’t removed since Neil had slipped it around her neck at her party. 

“It was a birthday gift.”

“From who?”

“Neil.”

“Claire, someone who’s just a friend doesn’t go around giving birthday gifts like that.” 

She took another sip of coffee. She didn’t want to get into him about Neil’s present. She had already heard the same thing from her mother. Only her mother hadn’t been as subtle and told her that she needed to take actions before Neil grew tired of waiting.

“I know this was always Kayla’s department, but I’m going to try,” Dash continued.

“Please don’t,” she begged.

“Why are you so determined to run away from a chance at happiness?”

She glanced down not wanting him to see the tears in her eyes. She could hear that question so clearly in Kayla’s voice as she thought about the many conversations they had on this topic. She had always wanted Claire to find what she had with Dash. Claire didn’t think it was so much running away as self-preservation. 

“I’m not running away.”

“Aren’t you?” He reached for her hand. “Claire, I want you to be happy, don’t you think maybe he could make you happy?”

“There are just so many things that could go wrong.”

“Like what?”

“He’s my boss. People are going to think that he favored me or gave me extra support to get to where I am or think that I’m just using him to get ahead. They are going to call into question everything that I have worked for. He could get in trouble for an improper relationship with a resident.” She noticed that Dash was trying to hide his smile. “What?”

“Everything you talked about has to do with work. Not one of those reasons is something that you couldn’t work past. You can’t tell me that this is the first time in the history of that hospital that this has happened.” He sighed. “Anyone who knows you, wouldn’t question it. I know how hard you’ve worked, but you deserve to be happy. Are you sure you’re not just using the fact that he’s your boss as an excuse?”

“It’s a valid concern.”

He leaned back in his chair. “ You know, Morgan asked me if you two were together.”

“She did not,” she said rolling her eyes. 

“It seems a lot of people at the hospital already think it. If I didn’t know you better, I would’ve thought it too the way you two were hanging around each other at your party.” He leaned forward. “What are you so afraid of?”

She sighed as she realized that he wasn’t going to let it drop. She wondered if she should talk to Morgan about minding her own business. Or maybe she should mention it to Neil, especially if others already thought they were together. She wondered what his reaction would be to others thinking they were more than just friends.

“He’s my best friend,” she said softly. “I don’t want to lose that.”

He nudged her foot with his. “I thought I was your best friend.”

“No, you’re the annoying brother I never knew I needed.”

“Claire, I know it’s scary taking a risk. I know you’re worried about getting hurt, but sometimes you need to trust that it’s all going to be okay, that the risk is worth it.” He took a sip of coffee. “I miss Kayla every day and even with her wishes of me moving on, I didn’t think it was possible, and then I talked with Morgan at your party. And as scary as that was, I’m glad I did it. I don’t know what’s going to happen with her, but I’m looking forward to finding out.”

“Being with her helps?”

“It does.”

They talked some more about Kayla, his new relationship with Morgan and her friendship with Neil. As they finished, they hugged. With one last attempt at convincing her to tell Neil about her feelings, she agreed to think about it. Reaching for her phone she decided that she needed to discuss things with her therapist. While she was sure of her feelings, she wasn’t sure of dealing with the consequences. She hoped with some guidance she would see what she should do.


	10. Chapter 10

Neil had gotten to work early, hoping that he would get a chance to see Claire. She had been off the day before, and while they had texted and talked on the phone, it wasn’t the same as seeing her. Unfortunately, she had been having what looked like a serious conversation with Morgan. He hoped he would get a chance to talk to her on her own later.

He was finishing up some paperwork when Audrey stopped by his office, pulling the door closed behind her.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, since it was unusual for her to shut the door.

“I want to talk to you about your relationship with Claire,” she said coming to sit in the chair by his desk.

“What about it?” he asked. “You know that we’re friends.”

“Neil, you and I are friends. You have to admit that there is something going on between the two of you.”

“Nothing inappropriate has happened.” He had worked hard to maintain a professional relationship with Claire at work despite his growing feelings for her.

“I’ve known you a long time. And I’m not the only one who sees it. It was obvious at her party that you two have a connection.”

He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say to her. He knew that she was right. That something had been growing between him and Claire, maybe even before they took their first run together.

“I’m her boss,” he said softly. “Nothing will happen.”

“Not anymore you’re not.”

He looked up in alarm. “What do you mean?”

“I talked with Marcus and Aaron. We’re taking Claire off your rotation. She will no longer report to you. You will have nothing to do with the rest of her residency.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me first?”

She rolled her eyes. “Because I knew you’d deny it.”

“I think Claire deserves to be involved in a discussion about her future.”

“Why are you being so stubborn?” she asked, clearly annoyed. “We found a solution so you two can stop acting like a bunch of lovesick puppies.”

“Without asking either of us about it.” He wasn’t sure if he was more frustrated because they had talked about it behind their backs, or the fact that they had taken steps to remove the barrier of any relationship with Claire.

“Neil, I know you enjoy mentoring her, but this is more than that.” She sighed. “The nurses have started betting on when you two are going to slip up. They think you are already together. If you stop being her boss, decide if you want to be in a relationship, then go to HR, it might help with the gossip. And HR might have less of a concern if you two start a relationship with you no longer being her boss.”

“You thought of everything,” he said, surprised.

“It was actually Marcus’ idea. Although I think he just wants to work more with Claire.”

He smiled. “She is the best.”

“She is very talented,” she agreed. “Neil, you need to figure this out, talk to Claire.”

“I will.” She stood to leave. “Audrey, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

He watched as Audrey left his office. He leaned back in his chair thinking about the possibilities. He did want more with Claire. He had fallen in love with her somewhere along the line of their growing friendship. He couldn’t pinpoint the moment it happened. He thought about inviting her to dinner and bringing up the possibility of exploring what a relationship would look like. He was hopeful but also nervous that she wouldn’t want to take that risk.

Standing up, he decided to worry about what he would say to her later. Since he didn’t have any surgeries at the moment, he headed down to the ER. As he got on the elevator, Morgan joined him. He could tell that she wanted to say something to him by the look on her face.

“What?” he asked.

“Have you seen Claire today?”

“No, why?”

“I was just curious. I was talking with her this morning. She had lunch with Dash yesterday and he told me some about their conversation.”

“I’m sure Claire wouldn’t want you to be gossiping about her.”

“I’m not gossiping. I’m looking out for a friend.”

He turned to look at her as they stepped off the elevator. “Is she okay?”

“I think she’d be better if you asked her out on a date.”

Unsure if he heard her correctly, he asked, “Are you suggesting I date a resident?”

“I’m suggesting you date Claire.” She sighed. “I know I’m the last person you’d expect to make the suggestion.”

He thought about the conversation he had earlier with Audrey. It seemed everyone had thoughts about his relationship with Claire.

“It is surprising. Aren’t you worried about favoritism?”

She smirked. “Please, you two have been hanging out for months, and you still treat her just like the rest of us.”

“Why are you pushing this?” he asked as they came up to the nurses’ station.

She looked uncomfortable. “For the first time in a long time, I’m happy with more than just being a doctor, and I want Claire to be happy too.” She continued, “I’m dating one of her friends who was married to her best friend. There is a lot of history between them. She could’ve told him not to go out with me.”

“She wouldn’t do that.”

“No, but she could’ve made it miserable. And I’ve spent more time with her and we’re friends. And with the stories I’ve heard from Dash, she deserves some happiness, even if it is with our boss.”

“I’ll think about what you said.”

He wasn’t sure how he felt about everyone talking about them. He also wondered how Claire would feel knowing that Dash had been sharing things with Morgan. He would have to mention it when they had dinner later.

He worked for a while in the ER, which was a good distraction from his thoughts about Claire. One thing he could absolutely agree on was that she deserved all the happiness in the world, and he would love to be the one to give it to her. He thought some more about where he would take her for dinner to have this conversation about what they both might want with the issue of him being her boss taken away. It wouldn’t fix everything, but it was a start. 

He was pulled from those thoughts by a panicked call from Morgan.

“What do we have?” he asked walking to the area she had taken a trauma patient. He froze when he saw the distraught look on her face. He glanced down at the patient and his heart broke. Breeze laid there unconscious. 

“What happened?” he asked, moving to work beside her.

“She was found passed out in her car in the parking lot by their apartment,” Morgan said her voice trembling. “They said there was an empty wine bottle in the passenger’s seat.”

“Damn it,” he said softly. He realized that if someone else hadn’t found her, Claire would have.

The two of them worked together to stabilize her. She was still unconscious but seemed to be out of the woods for now.

He looked up as Audrey walked in.

“I was hoping I heard wrong,” she said with a sigh. “Claire’s finishing up surgery with Marcus. I’ll send her down.” She looked at Neil. “Unless you want to tell her.”

He shook his head, “I’ll wait for her here.”

He wanted to be there for Claire, but the thought of being the one to tell her what happened with her mother tore him apart. He hated that her worst fear came true. He stayed in the room with Morgan as they waited for Claire. Neither of them wanted her to have to go through this alone.

About twenty minutes later, she walked into the trauma room. Neil knew that the look of absolute heartbreak and devastation on her face would haunt him for the rest of his life.

“What happened?” she asked softly, her hands grasped tightly in front of her. 

Morgan filled her in on what the paramedics had told her and what they had done to get her stabilized. She moved towards Claire to give her a hug, but she shook her head not wanting Morgan to touch her. For the first time in a long time, he couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

Claire walked over, whispered something to her mom before she kissed her on the forehead. “Can you let me know when she wakes up?” she asked quietly.

“Of course,” he answered. He took a stop towards her, but she turned and left.

He looked to Morgan, “Stay here and let me know if there are any changes.”

“I will. Make sure she’s okay.”

He headed to the balcony, certain that was where Claire would go to wait. He hoped that since they would be alone that she would lean on him and let him comfort her. He found her learning against the railing staring out into the city. Unsure, what he could to help her, he moved to stand next to her, close enough that she could reach out to him if she wanted.

“This is my fault,” she said softly.

“No, it’s not.”

She shook her head. “I let my guard down. I thought she was better. I thought I could stop preparing myself for the worst.” She wiped at her eyes. “As soon as I stopped expecting it, it happens.”

His heart ached for her. “Claire…”

She continued. “We had breakfast together this morning. She was going to see some friends for lunch. She hugged me goodbye. The thought that she would take a drink didn’t even cross my mind. She was doing better. She had my party at a bar, and not once did she take a drink.”

He wished he knew what to do or say to take away her pain.

She turned to him, her eyes shinning with unshed tears and filled with pain. “It’s my fault. I should’ve seen that something was wrong. I should’ve seen that she was struggling. I should’ve spent more time with her.”

“This was not your fault,” he said, reaching for her hand. “You couldn’t…”

He was interrupted by his phone. With a sigh, he pulled it out to see it was message from Morgan.

“She’s awake.”

She took a shaky breath. “Thank you. I’m going to go see her.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, that’s okay.”

She turned and left him alone on the balcony. He leaned against the railing wishing that he could do something to help her. All he wanted was to pull her into his arms and take away all her pain. He thought about how just a few hours ago he was planning on asking her to dinner to confess his feelings, and now he was simply hoping that she would let him be the one to comfort her. Pushing away from the railing, he made his way inside. Even if she said she didn’t need him there, he wasn’t going to let her go through this alone. He went inside to join her in her mother’s room.


	11. Chapter 11

As Claire made her way back to her mother’s room, she wanted to go back and tell Neil that she changed her mind, she wanted to tell him that she needed him beside her. However, she didn’t and kept walking. With every step she took, she felt as if she was watching herself from outside her body. She had stopped expecting the worst, and now she was paying the price.

She knew somehow that this was her fault. That she missed something, that she was too preoccupied with work and with spending time with Neil. Somehow, she had failed her mother. As she walked, she tried to replay their earlier conversation in her mind. Had she missed a clue that her mom was on the edge? Had she said something to push her over? It had been her job to take care of her mother for so long. She used to know when things were going to fall apart. How did she miss it this time?

She felt the eyes of the nurses and other doctors on her as she made her way to her mother’s room. She ignored them. She didn’t want to see their fake concern and their pity. Morgan took a step towards her, but she ignored her too. She didn’t deserve any comfort after once again failing her mom. 

She took a few deep breathes before walking in. Her eyes stung with unshed tears as she took in her mother sitting on the bed. Breeze looked frail and lost. Claire had lost count of how many times she had seen her mother like this. She braced herself for her mother’s anger, her drunken acknowledgement that Claire was nothing but a failure and that she wished she had never been born.

“Claire,” her mom said softly, holding out her hand.

She hesitated a moment. Her mom was breaking the script. She always blamed Claire after a relapse, always told her she wasn’t good enough for Breeze to stay sober. 

She stepped forward and took her mother’s hand. Breeze squeezed her hand tightly as if she wanted to make sure that she couldn’t let go. Claire startled when the door opened. She turned and saw it was Neil. Part of her was grateful that he came even when she told him not to, part of her wanted him to leave so he wouldn’t see the mess that was her life. He moved off to the side, silently standing there if she needed him.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” her mom whispered.

She wasn’t sure what to say, her mother had never apologized before. She couldn’t tell her that it was okay, because it wasn’t. Claire was hurt, scared, and angry. She had thought things were good. For the first time in a long time, she was happy. She had a relationship with her mother that even a year ago would’ve seemed impossible. She had her friendships with Neil, Dash, and Morgan. She had even admitted her feelings for Neil to her therapist, needing to tell someone how she had fallen for him. Not that she would do anything about those feelings with him as her boss and knowing that he couldn’t feel the same way she did.

A numbness settled over her as she took a seat next to her mother’s bedside. She could feel Neil’s eyes on them, but she didn’t turn around.

“What happened?” she asked, unsure if she wanted to know.

Her mother squeezed her hand again. “I went to lunch with the friends I told you about.” Claire nodded, remembering their conversation over breakfast. “They all had drinks and I thought I could handle one drink. Things have been going so well, I just wanted to celebrate with them.”

“But it wasn’t just one,” she said sadly.

“No,” Breeze said sighing. “It never is.” Her eyes filled with tears. “There was a liquor store next to the restaurant. I’m guessing I don’t need to tell you the rest.”

“Mom, you drove home,” her voice broke as she tried to keep herself together. She heard Neil moving behind her. “You could’ve killed yourself or someone else.”

Breeze started crying. “I’m so sorry baby.”

Claire thought of all the times she had gone home as child to find her unconscious thinking that she was dead, all the times she had to pick her up from the police station, all the times her mother had hurt her because of her drinking. She thought of all the pain they had been working through to heal their relationship. Despite how angry she was with her mom, she knew that if her mother had died, she would be devastated. The past few months they had worked so hard to fix things between them, and right now she wondered if it had all been a waste.

Breeze tugged on Claire’s arm as the tears turned into sobs. “Please Claire, don’t be mad at me, please don’t hate me. Please, baby, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

Her own eyes filled with tears, but she wouldn’t let them fall. She placed her hand on her mothers trying to give her comfort, but she didn’t know what to say to make things better for either one of them.

“You should rest,” she said standing up.

“Claire, I love you, I am so sorry.”

She leaned over the bed and pressed a kiss to her mother’s forehead. “I love you too,” she said softly. She wiped away some of Breeze’s tears. “Get some rest and I’ll be back later.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

She stood by her bedside for a few minutes until Breeze feel back asleep. She didn’t know what to do or what to think. She turned around to leave and found Neil still standing there. She wanted to go to him, she wanted to let him help her with the swirl of emotions that she didn’t know what to do with. But as she saw the concern in his eyes, she knew she couldn’t. If she went to him, she was going to breakdown. And she knew if she broke down now, she might never be able to put herself back together again.

She walked past him without a word. 


	12. Chapter 12

There was a distance between Claire and him that Neil didn’t understand. Since that moment two weeks ago when she walked past him in her mother’s hospital room, he had barely seen her. He felt as if she had built a wall around herself and he had no idea how to get past it. 

He wanted to be there for her with everything with her mother, but he didn’t know what to do to help her. He had reached out to Audrey to have her put Claire back on his rotation so he could at least work beside her and see how she was doing. She had refused, telling him that the complication of his feelings for Claire didn’t go away just because he hadn’t been able to talk to her.

He continued to text and call Claire, inviting her on runs or to dinner hoping to at least continue to offer his support in that way. She never picked up the phone and when she answered his texts it was always with an excuse about why she couldn’t go with him. He didn’t understand why she was pushing him away.

Breeze had made the decision to enter a rehab program. On the day she left to go there, she had asked to see him.

_He had been reluctant to go see Breeze, unsure of how Claire was handling things and at a loss of what to do. Knowing that Breeze had requested more support led him to believe that she was serious about getting herself back on track. He hoped for her sake and Claire’s she was successful._

_“How are you feeling?” he asked as he walked into her room._

_“Better,” she said, her fingers playing with the edge of her blanket. “Have you seen Claire?”_

_“No, I haven’t.” He took a seat beside her bed. “Has she been here?”_

_She nodded. “She was here a little while ago.” She reached out for his hand. “Please don’t give up on her.”_

_“I won’t,” he said. He squeezed her hand. “She doesn’t want to see me right now.”_

_“She won’t admit it, but she needs you,” she said, her eyes filling with tears. “I know that I did the one thing I promised her I wouldn’t do this time. I hurt her, again.” The tears started falling. “I know I’ve been a horrible mother to her.”_

_He wasn’t sure if she was hoping that he would contradict her, but he couldn’t. Based on all the stories that Claire had told him, Breeze was lucky that she had been given another chance to be in her life. He wasn’t sure what she would do now, if she would be willing to take any more chances with her mother._

_“I need you to promise me something,” she continued._

_“What?”_

_“I need you to care of her. She won’t admit it, but she cares about you, and she’s needs you.”_

_“Claire knows I’m here for her, no matter what.”_

_She shook her head. “You don’t understand.”_

_“Then help me.”_

_“She always blames herself,” she said softly, “And I know that’s my fault because I blamed her. She’s hurting and you need to do whatever you have to do to make sure she knows that you’re not abandoning her.”_

_His phone went off and he stood. “I will make sure that Claire knows I’m here for her, but I’m also going to respect what she wants.”_

_She sighed. “Thank you.”_

_He squeezed her hand again. “Just focus on getting better.”_

He thought about that conversation often, wondering if he was doing the right thing by not pushing harder with Claire. He would only see her in passing and she was always professional. He never got a chance to talk to her in private. He had asked the others how she was doing, and they all said that she seemed fine. But they didn’t know her as well as he did. She was good at hiding how much she was hurting. 

He glanced up when he heard a knock at his door, for a moment he hoped it would be Claire. Seeing Morgan, he motioned of her to come in. He was surprised to see her since she was working with Audrey for the day. She took a seat in front of his desk.

“Have you talked to Claire?” she asked.

“No,” he answered. “Have you?”

She shook her head. “We’re worried about her.”

“Has she talked to Dash?” he asked, hoping that she had someone to lean on even if it wasn’t him.

“No,” Morgan sighed. “She won’t answer his phone calls and he said she only gives one-word answers when he texts.”

“She’s hurting, we have to give her time.”

“I think that’s the worst thing we can do.” He wasn’t sure he had ever seen Morgan looked so worried. “Dash would probably kill me for telling you this, but I’m worried about her, and I don’t know who else could reach her but you.”

He leaned forward, “Tell me what?”

“Dash said that this is what she does when she gets hurt by her mother, that she shuts herself off from anyone who cares about her. He said in college, her mother ended up stealing from her and Kayla, and when Kayla told her it wasn’t her fault and she wasn’t mad at her, Claire didn’t believe her and didn’t talk to her for almost two months.”

“How did Kayla get through to her?” he asked, unable to imagine this distance between them lasting for two months.

“Dash wasn’t sure of the details. He said he just got home one day and they were setting on the sofa with a couple bottles of wine around them.” Morgan sighed. “We both know she’s not good as letting other people help her.”

“No, she’s not.” He leaned back in his chair. “Have the others said anything?”

She rolled her eyes. “They say she’s seems fine, just quiet. But she would never let them see if she wasn’t fine. I think you’re the only person she’d let help her.”

“She’s not talking to me either.”

Knowing Claire, he wasn’t surprised by her way of coping with her mother’s relapse. However, he had thought that they had gotten close enough that she would know that she could depend on him.

“What are you going to do about it?” Morgan asked. “We can’t let her keep going like this.”

“Right now, I’m going to do my job and take care of my patients.” He cut her off before she could say anything. “I’m not giving up on her and I will keep trying to get her to talk to me.”

“Me too. Let me know if you get through to her.”

Morgan stood and left him alone in his office. He thought about how he could get Claire on her own so he could talk to her. He needed her to know that he wasn’t going to give up and that she had him if she needed him. In addition to being worried about her, he also missed her. He was used to being with her during most of his free time from the hospital. He missed her, missed everything about her. He loved her, and he hoped that he would get a chance to tell her.

He finished his shift with two surgeries and scheduled an open-heart procedure scheduled for the morning. He wasn’t any closer to deciding what to do about supporting Claire or how he was going to get her to lean on him while she was hurting.

Bypassing his office, he headed out towards the balcony to get some fresh air. As he got to the door, he saw Claire leaning against the railing. He still didn’t have a plan of what he was going to say to her but knew this was his chance. He pushed open the door and stepped out onto the balcony. His heart broke when he realized that she was crying. She hadn’t heard him come out. 

Neil moved towards her hoping that he could take away some of her pain. He placed his hand on her arm drawing her attention to him. She looked at him with all her heartache reflected in her eyes.

“Come here,” he said softly as he drew her into his arms. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, but she hesitated to return his embrace. “It’s okay,” he whispered in her ear, “I’ve got you.”

The walls she had built around herself crumbled as she wrapped her arms around his waist and sobbed against his chest. He was finally able to do what he had wanted since the day her mother had been brought into the hospital. He held her close as she cried, hoping that she would continue to lean on him. Whispering soothing words in her ear, he continued to hold her. He would hold her as long as she needed.


	13. Chapter 13

Claire sat on the sofa in Dr. Malkin’s office. After her mother’s relapse, she had canceled her therapy appointments not wanting to talk about what happened. She had pushed everyone else away trying to heal herself in private like she had done before. She ignored her phone when it rang, gave short answers when responding to texts, and avoided Neil and Morgan at work. She was angry with herself and her mother for what happened. It was easier to push everyone away than to deal with her feelings.

But that had changed the night before. After a long stressful shift, she had gone out onto the balcony to try and settle the anxious feeling that she couldn’t get rid of. Thinking that she would be alone, she had allowed the tears to fall. She wasn’t sure how long she had been out there before Neil was at her side. He had pulled her into his arms and held her while she cried. It was the comfort she hadn’t realized she needed so badly.

_She had tightened her arms around him as she cried. He whispered to her that he was there for her, that she would be okay. His hand rubbed against her back. After some time, she finally pulled away from him, trying to wipe the tears from her face._

_“I’m sorry,” she said, realizing that she had left his shirt wet with her tears._

_He took her hand. “Don’t apologize.”_

_She wanted to say more to him. She wanted him to hold her again. She missed him. She had thought it would be easier to deal with everything on her own, but she was wrong. It had felt good to have someone to lean on instead of crying alone._

_He reached out and wiped away her tears with his thumb. She looked up at him and expected to see pity in his eyes. Instead all she saw was concern and care._

_“Talk to me, Claire,” he said softly. “You’re not alone.”_

_She brought her hand up and rested it against his. It would be so easy to give in, tell him everything. But she was afraid to. She worried that if she did lean on him, she’d fall when he decided that she wasn’t worth it. He had already decided that he didn’t want to work beside her anymore._

_Moving his hand off her face, she said, “There’s nothing to talk about.”_

_He sighed. “Why are you pushing me away?”_

_“I’m not,” she lied._

_“Claire…”_

_She interrupted him before he could say anything else. “Have a goodnight.”_

_She turned and walked away leaving him on the balcony alone._

He had texted her later, asking her to please talk with him and that he missed her. She had texted him back to thank him for being there on the balcony and to have a goodnight. She had then reached out to her therapist. Crying at work was unacceptable, and she felt that she was lucky that Neil was the one who found her. Allowing him to comfort her, even if for a few minutes, pushed through some of the fog she had been in. She hoped that speaking to Dr. Malkin would help settle some of her thoughts. She felt like she was all over the place, especially when it came to Breeze and Neil.

She had finished explaining to Dr. Malkin what had happened with her mother’s relapse and how she was staying in a rehab facility. Eventually Claire would be able to go there to have family therapy sessions with her mother and would have to decide what the next steps would be.

“I don’t understand why she did it,” Claire said twisting a tissue in her hands. “She was getting better. She was better. I didn’t see any of the usual signs that this would happen.”

“Claire, you know it’s not your fault.”

She shook her head. “I should’ve noticed something. I should’ve seen that she was struggling.” Her voice shook. “I didn’t do enough to help her. I was too busy with work and with Neil, I missed something. I wasn’t good enough.”

“We’ve talked about this before. You’re not responsible for your mother’s actions.”

“But I…”

“Unless you forced her to take that drink, it is not your fault,” Dr. Malkin interrupted. “It is not your job to watch your mother every day. She has to be the one who makes these decisions and those decisions are not a reflection of you or your love for your mother.”

“I feel like I failed,” she admitted.

“Addiction is a disease. She has been fighting it for a long time. You’ve said yourself that this had been the longest that she had gone without a drink. She got comfortable and thought she could handle it. I know it’s disappointing that she took that drink, but that doesn’t mean that either one of you failed.”

“She could’ve died,” she said, thinking about her mother driving home drunk.

“But she didn’t, and it sounds like she is trying to get herself better again. She’s not giving up, and neither should you.”

Claire wiped away a few tears. She was proud of her mother for seeking out additional help. She didn’t know what would happen next with them and if she would be able to try again.

“Have you talked to anyone about what you’ve been feeling?”

She shook her head.

“Not even Neil?” Dr. Malkin asked.

“No, I’ve been trying to deal with it on my own.”

“Why?”

She thought for a moment. “I felt like I failed Mom, I didn’t want to fail anyone else. I didn’t want to depend on anyone else.”

“We’ve talked before about your feelings for Neil. Is that why you didn’t want to reach out to him?”

“Maybe. I didn’t want to burden him with what was going on.”

“Did he give the impression that he felt that way? Did he try to contact you?”

“He’s called and texted every day. He would ask if I wanted to meet up for a run or if I wanted to get dinner.” She sighed. “But he stopped working with me, and always picked the other residents.”

“Did you ask him about it?”

“No,” she answered. She had thought a few times about asking him why he suddenly stopped picking her to work on his team, but she wasn’t sure if she would like his answer so she continued avoiding him.

“Why not?”

“Because then he’d want to talk about things with Mom.”

“Would that be so bad?”

Claire thought again of the way it felt to be in his arms last night and how much he seemed to want to be there for her. It had scared her.

“I’m afraid to lean on him,” she confessed quietly. “What if he decides its too much? That I’m not worth it.”

“You can’t punish him for something that you think he might do. The way you talk about him and your relationship, I don’t think that would happen.” She continued, “I know you’re worried that he’s going to be like your mother and disappoint you.”

She wiped at the tears at her eyes. “Maybe I’m also worried about disappointing him.”

“I think you should talk to him,” Dr. Malkin said. “Even if you don’t address the feelings you have for him, at least let him be there for you as a friend. It’s not a weakness to need someone. ”

They continued to talk about her feelings about her mother and about what she should do with Neil. Dr. Malkin scheduled some more appointments with her, telling Claire that she needed to make sure she talked about her feeling instead of bottling them up. 

As she left the office, she felt lighter than she had in weeks. She reached for her phone, and messaged Neil asking him if he would want to go for a run the next day. His response was immediate, but instead of agreeing to a run, he asked if she wanted to come over for dinner. Pushing through her nervousness, she agreed. Dr. Malkin was right, she needed to talk to Neil and explain why she pushed him away, and maybe she could get some answers as to why he no longer wanted to work with her. As she got into the car to drive to his house, she felt an anticipation to see him. Despite everything, she had missed him more than she had wanted to admit.


	14. Chapter 14

Nervousness wasn’t something Neil felt often. He was used to the high-pressure situations of being a surgeon and had learned long ago to deal with any of these feelings. However, he was nervous about Claire coming over. He wasn’t sure how things would go with her. He had tried to comfort her the night before, and for a moment he thought that she was going to let him. He knew she had a hard time letting others help her, but he had hoped that their relationship was strong enough to push through those feelings.

He made them some tea as he waited for her to come over. He hurt knowing that she was in pain and there was nothing he could do for her. He hated that she thought she had to go through all this alone. He hoped that with her coming over it meant she was ready for his support. His feelings for her hadn’t changed, which made it even more difficult these last two weeks.

He placed the tea on the coffee table. When he heard her knock at the door, he took a deep breath before opening the door. He felt a little more settled once he looked at her and could tell that she was nervous too. He moved over and allowed her space to come up. He watched as she dropped her bags by the door and slipped off her shoes as she had the other times she had been over.

He motioned for her to go ahead into the living room, but she stopped him by grabbing his hand.

“I owe you an apology,” she said softy.

“You don’t owe me anything,” he said.

She shook her head, “Yes I do. I have been pushing you away and you don’t deserve that.”

He was glad to hear her admit what he already knew. He was hopeful that they would be able to make some progress together.

“Are you ready to talk?” he asked.

She nodded. He kept her hand in his as he led her into the living room. They settled together on the sofa turning to face each other. He saw the small smile as she noticed the tea already waiting. She reached down and picked up the cup.

“I’ve been kind of a mess lately,” she started wrapping her hands around the mug. “Mom’s relapse threw me, and I’ve been trying to figure out what I did wrong.”

He shook his head. “It wasn’t your fault.”

She glanced down at the cup in her hands. “I know that, mostly. But I keep thinking about what I didn’t know, what I didn’t see. She was doing so well.”

“Recovery takes time,” he said. “And she was doing well, she probably thought that she had everything under control, and she could handle one drink.”

She sighed. “You’re probably right.”

He reached out and nudged her leg. “I’m always right,” he teased, relieved to see her smile. “Have you been able to talk to her or see her?”

“Not yet,” she said, taking a sip of tea. “Her doctors there have called me and asked some questions. In a few weeks, I’ll be able to join her for some family therapy.”

“That’s good.” He took a deep breath. She looked up at him and he could see a swirl of emotions in her eyes, and he hoped that she would share her thoughts with him. “Why have you been …?”

“Neil,” she interrupted, “I’m sorry.”

“I told you, you don’t need to apologize.”

“Yes, I do.” She sat the mug back on the coffee table and turned more fully to face him. “I haven’t been fair to you.”

“You’ve been dealing with everything with your mother.”

“That’s not an excuse.” She took a shaky breath. “I’m ready to tell you, if you want to hear it.”

He reached out to squeeze her hand. “Of course, I do.”

She took a moment to gather her thoughts. “Seeing Mom in that hospital room scared me. I had stopped thinking about the possibility of a relapse and it hurt more than I expected. I kept thinking that I failed her,” she held up her hand to stop him from interrupting her. “I spoke with Dr. Malkin, I’m working on that. I thought it would be easier to deal with it on my own, I’m not used to having anyone else help me, and I knew you would try.”

“Then why not let me?”

“I was scared,” she admitted

“Of what?”

He noticed the tears in her eyes as she continued. “I didn’t want to let you down. I thought maybe you’d see this side of me and,” her voice broke, “And think I wasn’t good enough.”

He slid closer on the sofa towards her, his heart breaking that she could ever think that way. He wanted to reach for her but wasn't sure if she'd want him to.

“Claire, you could never let me down. And all of this showed me just how strong you are.”

She bit her lip and took a shaky breath. “Then why don’t you want me to work with you anymore?”

“What?”

“You haven’t picked me to work with you since mom’s relapse.”

He closed his eyes and sighed. He had forgotten that he never had the chance to tell her about Audrey pulling her from his rotation. He felt horrible thinking that she had been dealing with not only everything with her mother but also thinking that he didn’t want her beside him at work. He wondered if that was another reason why she hadn’t wanted to come to him while she was hurting.

“It wasn’t my choice. Audrey pulled you and wants you to work with her and Marcus. If I had it my way, I would always work beside you.”

He wasn’t sure if this was the appropriate time to tell her about his feelings for her. She had already been dealing with so much.

“Why did they do that?”

He picked up the tea in front of him to take a sip to stall. He had been prepared to be there to support her, not to talk about moving their relationship forwards. He didn’t want to push her into anything she wasn’t ready for.

“Neil,” she said, “Why?”

He placed the cup back on the table and turned towards her. “Because she saw what I was denying.”

“What was that?” she asked softly.

He gave her a small smile. “That I have feelings for you, and she felt I couldn’t be objective working with you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“She spoke to me the day your mother was brought in. It didn’t seem important after that.” He shook his head, “I had no idea you would think that I didn’t want to work with you.”

She shook her head. “I thought for sure you thought I was too much of a mess.” 

“I’d never think that.”

She took another sip of tea, before putting the cup back on the table. “And it’s not just you,” she admitted softly. “I care about you too, a lot more than just a friend.”

He felt a sense of relief that she felt the same way. He knew it would still take some time, she needed to continue to heal after her hurt from her mother, but he hoped that they would be able to do it with him at her side.

She reached for his hand, “Does this mean you’re not my boss anymore?” she asked.

“It does,” he said intertwining their fingers together. “That’s why Audrey wanted you to work with her or Marcus so we could explore what we wanted.”

The smile that lit up her face took his breath away. He figured it was too early for him to share with her that he was in love with her. Instead, he was content for them to take it slow.

“So, if mom hadn’t been brought to the hospital?”

“I would’ve told you over dinner.”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry I missed out on that.”

“Me too. I was going to make sure it was very romantic.” He laughed as she rolled her eyes.

“Not too romantic or I would’ve said no.” She squeezed his hand. “Do you want to have that dinner tonight? Minus the romance of course.”

“Of course,” he smiled. “And I hate to tell you, but there is going to be some romance involved.” He let go of her hand and reached out to caress her face. “I don’t want you to ever doubt how much I care about you.”

She reached up and placed her hand over his. “I’m sorry I pushed you away.”

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“I’ve missed you,” she admitted softly.

“I’ve missed you too. Claire, I want you to know that you can always come to me.”

“I know that, and I’ll do my best not to shut you out again.”

He knew that she was used to dealing with things on her own and he hoped that going forward she would learn to rely on him.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“Yes, but,” she moved so that she was sitting closer to him and rested her head against his shoulder. He brought his arms up to hold her to him. “Can we sit here together for a while first?”

He pressed a kiss against her forehead and settled them against the sofa. “I’d like that.”

He knew it was just the first step in creating their future together. She had started to open up to him and he had let her know about his feelings for her. There was more they needed to discuss and work through, but for now he was content to sit with her in his arms.


	15. Chapter 15

As Claire finished up the chart on a patient, she thought about all that had changed in the week since she had broken down with Neil. She finally felt like herself again after weeks of feeling in a fog. She had returned to seeing her therapist as well as had a long overdue talk with Neil. They both admitted that their feelings for each other went beyond just being friends. She had been relieved to learn that Neil hadn’t be avoiding her at work. They were taking things slow as they eased into their new relationship.

_After they both admitted their feelings to each other, they sat together on the sofa. After a few minutes, Claire moved so that she was snuggled closer to him. She placed her hand against his chest, and he wrapped his arm around her drawing her even closer. As she felt the solid presence of him beside her, she felt for the first time in weeks that she was able to relax, and she would be okay._

_“I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to call you,” she admitted softly._

_“I can’t tell you how many times I had to stop myself from driving over to see you,” he said, gently caressing her side. “I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing staying away from you.”_

_“You did,” she told him, “I wouldn’t have answered the door if you came over.” She moved her hand and started to play with the buttons on his shirt. “It felt weird not seeing you.”_

_“It did,” he agreed. “And I’m sorry that I didn’t even think about you thinking I had chosen to have you moved from my service.”_

_“I’m sorry that I didn’t just ask you about it.”_

_He brushed his lips against the top of her head. “No more apologizing. This is the start of something new.”_

_“I like that,” she said smiling. “Do we have to tell everyone at the hospital?”_

_“Eventually. Why?”_

_“I don’t want to hide this,” she said sitting up she could look at him. “But I want this to just be ours for now.”_

_She knew that if others in the hospital found out there would be gossip and rumors about them, and she felt like there was enough of that already because of her mother._

_“I’m fine with that.” He sighed. “You might want to talk to Morgan though. She’s been really worried about you.”_

_“I will. Dash too.”_

_She looked at him for a moment, memorizing the happiness she saw reflected in his eyes. She was so lucky to have this amazing man in her life. She thought of how he went from her mentor to her best friend and now something even more special._

_“What?” he asked, his hand coming up to caresses her face._

_“This isn’t how I expected tonight to go,” she admitted. “I thought we would talk, and everything would go back to the way it was before.” She reached for his hand. “This is so much better.”_

_“I think so too.” He tugged on her hand. “Come on. I did promise you dinner.”_

_They stood and walked to the kitchen, neither letting go of the others hand. They kept close to each other as Neil made them some pasta and garlic bread._

_As they settled at the table to eat, she asked, “If this was that night, what would you have said to me?”_

_“Honestly,” he answered, “The only part I had thought about was asking you to dinner.”_

_She smiled. “We did that almost every night anyway.”_

_“Maybe I would’ve gotten you some flowers.”_

_She made a face, “No thanks.”_

_He laughed. “What do you have against flowers?”_

_“They wilt and die, and then you just throw them away. It’s a waste.”_

_“I’ll make sure I remember that,” he said, his amusement clear. “For future reference, what is an acceptable Claire Browne alternative to flowers?”_

_“You don’t have to get me anything.”_

_“I told you, I never want you to doubt my feelings for you.”_

_She rolled her eyes. “Giving me things isn’t going to make me think you care about me.”_

_“You’re really going to make me work, aren’t you?”_

_“I’m sorry, but your usual romantic tactics won’t work on me.”_

_“We’ll see,” he said. “I’ll convert you.”_

_“You can try.”_

_They keep their eyes on each other for a moment, enjoying being with each other. They continued to talk over to dinner to make up for the two weeks they had been apart. Claire knew that everything would be fine._

Claire had been nervous after that night, that things would be different as they worked on what a relationship looked like. But after weeks of denying that he could ever feel the same for her as she did for him, she felt a sense of peace. She worried that it would be difficult to transition into a relationship, but as she thought more about it, she realized that they really had already been in one. The only difference now was that she didn’t need to hide her feelings, and she could touch him whenever she wanted. Both of them constantly found excuses to hold hands, brush their hands against each other as they walked by, and wrap their arms around each other for lingering hugs. However, once they walked through the hospital doors it was as if their relationship had never changed.

Neil had come to her a few days after they confessed their feelings for each other, asking if she minded if he told Dr. Lim about the change in their relationship. Apparently, she was giving him a hard time about not acting on his feelings when she had arranged it for it to be slightly easier. Claire had teased him about the fact that his former girlfriend was trying so hard to get him with her current girlfriend. She told him she didn’t mind him sharing it with her and asked if he minded if she shared with Dash. He was confused at first as to why he would mind, when she reminded him that there was good chance that he would tell Morgan. He had left it up to her and if she trusted Morgan with the news.

She had meet with Dash for lunch and apologized to him for the way she acted after everything with her mom. He had known her long enough that he waved off her apology asking her to not push them all away again. She had then told him about Neil. He was happy for her and they agreed that they would meet up soon to have dinner with Morgan there as well. She ignored his teasing about a double date. 

Later that night she called Morgan. While she had talked to her briefly to apologize for the way she had treated her after her mother’s relapse, she wanted to share with her the news about her relationship with Neil. She knew Dash would tell her, and she thought Morgan deserved to hear it from her. She explained that they weren’t saying anything at work yet, and she was trusting her. They made plans to get together one night to talk over the changes in both their lives. Morgan also mentioned a double date, but she knew she had gotten that idea from Dash.

Claire was happy, and instead of being worried that it could be taken away, she was working on enjoying it. She continued to see her therapist working through the issues that her mom’s relapse resurfaced as well as discussing her relationship with Neil. She had never been good at having an actual relationship with someone, and she worried about hurting him. They continued to take things slowly, working on building an even stronger foundation Talking to Dr. Malkin helped, as did letting Neil know what she was thinking. It was difficult and she knew she was lucky that he was so patient.

She still felt as if she were a work in progress, but she didn’t mind as much with Neil at her side. While she did miss working beside him, she felt that it was so much better having him outside the hospital. As they spent more time together, he also began to tell her more about his childhood and his family. While his family dynamic wasn’t as toxic as hers had been, he still had struggles. She was glad to know that he trusted her as much as she trusted him.

As she finished up her shift at work, she thought about her plans to go to dinner with Morgan and Dash later. She wondered if Neil would mind if she came to see him afterwards. While they had agreed to take things slowly, she had kissed him the other night for the first time, which had led to an exploration of each other on his sofa. While she thought that she was ready to take that next step, she enjoyed moving slowly with him and letting their relationship grow naturally. 

As she finished up the chart on one of her patients, she overheard one of the nurses talking about how Neil had lost his patient. She reached for her phone and sent a quick message to Morgan and Dash telling them that she would have to reschedule dinner with them. Morgan’s response came quickly, and she suggested a double date to make up for cancelling. Rolling her eyes, she slipped her phone back in her pocket and headed to find Neil.

She found him in his office sitting at his desk with his head down. She knew that he blamed himself when something went wrong. They were the same in that regard. She wondered how many times he had dealt with the loss alone, how many times he pushed it away. Just as she had been learning to lean more on him, she hoped he would let her comfort him.

He glanced up as she walked in, “I thought you had dinner with Dash and Morgan tonight.”

She walked towards him. “It got canceled.” 

She didn’t feel the need to tell him that she was the one who canceled it. She glanced down at his desk and saw that he was reviewing his notes and the scans on his patient. She moved to stand behind him and placed her hand against his shoulder. He rested his head against her arm for a moment before they both moved apart, aware that they were still at work.

“I can’t figure out what went wrong,” he admitted. He handed her his tablet. “What am I missing?”

She looked through the scans and then reached for his notes. Reading through everything, she couldn’t see an obvious reason why he had lost his patient. Losing a patient was always difficult, and a part of the job she didn’t think she would ever get used to. But sometimes they were more prepared for the possibility as the surgery was riskier. Looking at the information from this patient, she couldn’t see any reason for it.

“I don’t think you’re missing anything,” she said softly. She placed the tablet back on his desk. She glanced outside his office to see if anyone was around. Seeing that they were alone, she took his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“He had their daughter with him,” he took a shaky breath. “She was there when I had to tell him. She asked me why I let her mom die.”

She wrapped her arm around his shoulders and drew him to her. His arms came around her and hugged her tight.

“I know you did everything you could to save her,” she whispered as she ran her fingers through his hair.

“It wasn’t enough.”

She knew there was nothing she could say that would help ease his pain. All she could do was be there for him, just as he was always there for her. After a few minutes, they moved away from each other.

“How about we go home, order way too much food, and watch some of your favorite Star Trek episodes?” she asked.

He gave her a small smile. “You always fall asleep when we watch those.”

“I promise to stay awake for at least one episode.”

“Just one?” he asked as he stood up.

“I’ll try my best for more,” she answered.

He reached for her hand. “Thank you for canceling your dinner.”

“How’d you know it was me?”

“Because I know you.”

“We’ll see if you’re still thanking me when next time you have to come with me for a double date.”

He made a face. “Why would I do that?”

“Morgan’s idea.”

“I really shouldn’t be seeing residents outside the hospital,” he said.

“You see me.”

He leaned in closer to her. “That’s because I like you.”

“I like you too.”

He let go of her hand as they walked out of his office. She knew he was still hurting and hoped that an evening together would ease some of his pain. Even though Star Trek was not her favorite, she would do anything for him. And there were worse ways to spend the evening then curled up in his arms.


	16. Chapter 16

Neil woke up to Claire snuggled against him. He took a minute to enjoy the feel of waking up beside her. He thought of the night before and the comfort she had provided him after the loss of his patient. The ache of his failure was still there, but her presence helped ease the pain. He wasn’t sure how she had known what had happened, but he had been grateful to see her walk into his office. He had immediately asked her to look over his patient’s file. There was no one he trusted more to to see something he could’ve missed. He knew that despite their relationship, she would be honest with him.

He moved slightly so he could look at her as she slept. They had fallen asleep together plenty times while watch a tv show or movie, even before they had revealed their feelings for each other, but this was the first time they had fallen asleep together in bed. They were taking things slow. As much as he wanted to show her in every way possible how much he loved her, he was willing to be patient. She had told him before about her previous relationships and how sex didn’t mean intimacy. She had seemed almost embarrassed when she had asked him if he would mind if they slowly adjusted to their new relationship. He had agreed telling her that he was willing to go at her speed. He followed her lead, but once she had kissed him, he had allowed himself to show her more physically how he felt about her, leading to some intense make out sessions on his couch. It was rare for him to walk by her without kissing her or touching her.

He had fallen for her completely and knew that no matter how slow or fast they moved together, she was the person that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. When he had lost his patient yesterday, he wanted her to be there with him. He knew she had plans and would never ask her to change them for him but was relieved when she did. He hadn’t wanted to go home to an empty house thinking about another child he left without a mother. Claire as always knew exactly what he needed.

_She had sent him home while she stopped to pick up Chinese food for dinner. He went to shower, leaving the door unlocked in case she got back before he was done. When he walked into the kitchen, she was taking out the containers._

_“Did you invite people over and forget to tell me?” he asked._

_She turned and smiled. “No, just us. There will be leftovers for tomorrow.”_

_“And maybe a couple days after,” he said, walking over and wrapping his arms around her waist._

_“A food coma to take your mind off things,” she said, leaning back against him._

_If he was honest, she was all he needed._

_“Do you want to watch the show while we eat?” she asked._

_He brushed his lips against her neck. “That’s one way to make sure you stay awake.”_

_She turned in his arms, “I told you I would.”_

_“At least one episode.”_

_“I’ll make it three.”_

_He laughed, “No you won’t.”_

_“Is that a challenge?”_

_He leaned down to kiss her. “A challenge I know I’ll win.”_

_“What’s the prize?”_

_“Loser makes the other breakfast.”_

_She made a face, “That seems like a loss for you no matter what. You know I’m not a good cook.”_

_“I have faith in you.”_

_She kissed him again before moving out of his embrace, “It’s a good thing I don’t plan on losing.”_

_They piled the food up on their plates and settled in to watch Star Trek. He knew that it was not her favorite thing to do, so he appreciated the fact that she would do it for him. As they finished eating, they placed their plates on the coffee table. Claire moved closer to him, leaning against him as they watched. He wrapped his arm around her, holding her close and taking comfort in her. She asked him questions about the show, and he knew she was trying to stay awake. Towards the end of the second episode, he realized that she was starting to fall asleep against him._

_“I told you,” he said softly._

_“I’m not asleep,” she said sitting up and yawning. She started to move towards the other end of the sofa. “It’s your fault for being too comfortable.”_

_He reached out and gently pulled her back to him. “Come back over here.”_

_“You just want me to fall asleep,” she said, settling back against him._

_“I like having you in my arms,” he admitted._

_“I like being here,” she smiled._

_It was half way through the next episode when he realized that she was softly snoring against him, her arm wrapped around his waist. Glancing down at her, he thought about getting to spend the rest of his life with her by his side. She had helped to distract him from the loss of his patient. Once the episode ended, he thought about waking her, but decided to keep her beside him as he watched more. As he started to dose off, he realized that it was much later than he realized._

_He gently woke her up and suggested that she spend the night instead of driving home. He gave her the option to stay in the guest room or with him. While she had been asleep next to him on the sofa, he knew it would be different in his bed. She had sleepily agreed and told him she’d stay with him. He offered her some clothes and they had gotten ready for bed together. He fell asleep quickly with her beside him._

He continued to watch her, thinking about how lucky he was to have found her. If anyone had told him he would fall in love with his resident, he would’ve laughed at them. Now he couldn’t imagine not having her in his life. He didn’t want to disturb her sleep, but he couldn’t help but bring his hand up to move a strand of hair off her face. He smiled at the way she crinkled her nose at his touch.

“It’s too early to be up,” she mumbled, moving closer to him.

He ran his hand against her back. “Go back to sleep then.”

“I can’t with you touching me.”

“I can stop.”

She slowly opened her eyes, “I don’t want you to.” She inched closer to give him a sleepy kiss. “How are you?”

“Better,” he said, not wanting to lie to her and tell her he was fine. He kissed her again. “Thank you.”

He knew the disappointment and sense of failure would linger with him as it had with other patients, but he also knew he had her unwavering support.

She reached out for his hand, “You’ll tell me if you’re not okay?”

“Yes.” He brought her hand up to lips to kiss. “How’d you sleep?”

“Really good. You?”

“Best sleep I’ve had in a while,” he answered honestly. “Although you do snore.”

She smacked his arm, “I do not.”

“Just a little, it’s cute.”

She rolled her eyes. “What do you want to do this morning?”

“I think you’re going to be making me breakfast.”

“I stayed awake,” she insisted.

“Claire, you missed over half the episode and the ones I watched after you fell asleep.”

“You cheated.”

“How? I didn’t make you fall asleep.”

“I told you, you’re comfortable.” She reached up and caressed his face. “I can relax when I’m with you.”

He knew what she meant. When they were together it felt as if everything else went away and they could just be themselves. They didn’t have to worry about being the best at the hospital or saving anyone, they could just be.

“Can I tell you something?” she asked softly, and he noticed that she suddenly seemed nervous.

“Anything.”

She took a deep breath. “I love you.”

While he had realized his feelings for her months ago, he hadn’t expected for her to be the one to tell him first. A wave of happiness crashed over him as he smiled at her.

“I love you too.” He captured her lips with his, drawing her closer.

They stayed in each other’s arms, lazily kissing each other until they decided it was time to get up for breakfast. They headed down to the kitchen where she told him to make coffee while she made him breakfast.

“I hope you don’t mind scrambled eggs,” she said, “That’s the only breakfast food I can make.”

“Sounds perfect.”

He made coffee and placed it on the counter while he sat on the stood watching her in his kitchen. Seeing her standing at the stove, wearing his clothes, brought another rush of happiness. He wanted her to be there every morning. He watched her for a few more minutes, before he stood up and moved to stand behind her, snaking his arms around her waist.

“Don’t trust me not to mess up?” she asked.

“You were too far away,” he answered, kissing her along her neck. She shivered against him.

She tried to nudge him away, “Stop that if you don’t want burnt eggs.”

He stopped kissing her but didn’t let her go. If he had it his way, he never would. Once she turned the stove off, he turned her towards him so he could properly kiss her.

“You should wait to do that until you taste them.”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” he said, noticing the concern in her eyes. “I’m going to love them.”

“Don’t eat it if you don’t.”

He kissed her again before releasing her to grab the plates. “I trust you.”

She made a face, “Not sure if you should with cooking.”

They plated the food and went to sit at the counter. “It looks good.”

She always insisted that she was a horrible cook, but he wasn’t sure if she was exaggerating or not. He remembered when she had shared that she wasn’t a good bowler and she had been telling the truth. He took a sip of coffee and let her take the first bite of eggs. 

She smiled at him, “You can try some, they aren’t too bad.”

He shook his head, he should’ve known that she would notice what he was doing. He took a bite and smiled at her.

“They’re delicious,” he said, “Maybe you should always be in charge of breakfast.”

“No thanks, I don’t want to just eat eggs every day. Maybe you can make…”

She was cut off by her cell phone ringing. He hoped it wasn’t someone from the hospital ruining their quiet morning.

“It’s the rehab center,” she told him, her eyes filled with concern.

He reached for her hand as she answered the phone. He hoped that everything was okay with her mother and wanted her to know he was there for her no matter what. He listened to her side of the conversation and watched as her concern transformed into annoyance as he realized they wanted to go there.

She hung up the phone. “I’m sorry.”

“What’s wrong? Is Breeze okay?”

“She’s apparently doing really well. They want me to come this morning for a family therapy session.”

“And they couldn’t give you more notice?”

She rolled her eyes. “Apparently someone canceled, and they want to get her started on the sessions as soon as possible.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I’m really glad that she’s doing well. Not so happy that we have to cut our morning together short.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“As much as I’d like you there, I think it would be better to go by myself.” They both stood up to clean up from breakfast. “They made a big deal about it only being immediate family.”

He reached out for her. “If you need me, I don’t mind staying in the car waiting for you.”

She hugged him. “I really appreciate that, but I’ll be okay.”

“And if you’re not?”

“I promise I’ll call you.”

Reluctantly he agreed. They finished cleaning up, stopping a few times to kiss or touch each other. She grabbed her things so she could head home to shower and change before going to see her mother. They both were scheduled to go into work later, and she told him she would see him then.

They lingered at his door, neither one really wanting her to leave.

“I’ll see you at the hospital,” she said. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They kissed one more time before she left.

He missed her as soon as she left. He knew he was in trouble if just one night with her sleeping in his bed left him feeling like this. He also worried about her going to the rehab center to see her mother. She was so hurt after her mother’s relapse. He just hoped that she would let him be there for her if she needed him. Realizing that there was nothing he could do for her now, he went about his morning routine. He worked on a new article he wanted to get published. He texted some with Claire when she let him know she had made it safely to the rehab center.

Eventually, it was time to get ready for work. He checked his phone a few times hoping to hear from Claire. He showered and got dressed before leaving for the hospital.

His shift progressed normally, while working with Shaun and Alex. They saw a few patients, did a surgery to replace a heart valve and spend some time seeing patients in the ER. He checked his phone a few times and had a few updates from Claire.

He hadn’t realized how worried he was until he saw her heading towards the elevator. Relieved that she seemed to be fine after seeing her mother, he went to follow her. 

“Dr. Browne,” he called.

She turned and smiled, holding the elevator so he could join her.

“Sorry, I didn’t get to see you when I got here,” she said, “The session went long, and I barely got here on time.”

“Everything went well?”

“I think so.”

The doors opened and they walked together to the lounge. They sat across from each other at the table.

“Do you have a patient?” she asked, “Or are you free for a few minutes?”

“Waiting on some test results,” he answered. “I’m yours until I get paged.”

“It was good to see her,” she sighed. “She just kept apologizing.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“It’s a new thing. She swears this is a one-time thing and that she’s learning more at rehab. She said she realizes now that even one drink is too many and that she needs to start looking for some new friends who respect that she’s no longer drinking.”

“I hope she does.”

“They want me to come twice a week. So, I need to call them tomorrow with my schedule so they can make arrangements. Mom fussed at them for scheduling the appointment with such short notice.”

“I’m glad that you’ll know in advance so you can better prepare.” He could tell that there was more she wanted to share with him. “What else?”

“She wants to come live with me again when she is finished.”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I know that she needs a safe place to be, and I wouldn’t worry as much if I could keep an eye on her. What do you think?”

He thought of the look of devastation on her face when Breeze had been brought into the hospital, it was a look he never wanted to see on her face again. He was worried about her and the hurt her mother could inflect on her again. He also knew that Claire had the biggest heart of anyone that he knew, and he knew she would want to keep trying to try again with her mother.

“I think you need to do whatever is best for you. Your mother’s health is important too, but my priority is you.” If they weren’t at work, he would’ve reached for her. “I will support whatever you decide.”

“Thank you,” she said. “It helps knowing I have you.”

“You’re stuck with me,” he grinned. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

His pager went off letting him now the results were ready. He stood up. “Would you like to come over again tonight? I can’t eat all those leftovers by myself.”

“Sounds good,” she answered. “Should I stop home first and pack a bag?”

“You could always wear something of mine again.”

“Not to work, I can’t. I’d have to leave early to go home and change.”

“Then pack a bag.”

Their gazes lingered on each other for a moment, thinking about another evening spent together. He hoped the rest of their shift went by quickly. He was looking forward to heading home and keeping her close.


	17. Chapter 17

As Claire prepared to leave the hospital to head over to Neil’s place, she thought about all the changes that had happened the past month. Her relationship with Neil continued to grow and change as they moved forward with each other. He had been incredibly patient with her, allowing them to move slowly. He had waited until she was ready to take their relationship to the next step. Her only regret was that she had waited so long to experience that with him. The transition into a physical relationship was as seamless as every other part of their relationship. 

She had gotten used to spending all her free time with him. They had gone to HR to declare their relationship, which had been an incredibly invasive process but a necessary one. Since he was no longer technically her boss, they disproved of the relationship, but couldn’t tell them they couldn’t be together. They made it clear however that any complaints of favoritism due to their relationship could change that. They continued at work as they had before, making sure that they maintained their professionalism. Although they did send the occasional flirty text to each other. She continued to work with Dr. Andrews and Dr. Lim, and while she still felt that Neil was the best surgeon at the hospital, she enjoyed working with them. She had started to work more with Dr. Lim as she seemed to think Claire would be a good fit as a trauma surgeon.

Neil had brought her to meet his parents and his sister. She had been incredibly nervous, especially when meeting Gabi since she knew how important she was to him. He now liked to tease her that his family liked her more than they liked him. Gabi was always disappointed if he came to visit her alone.

Even though Neil continued to decline a double date with Morgan and Dash, Claire had gone out for drinks with Morgan, the day before her mother returned home.

_The two of them sat at the bar, drinking cocktails and catching up on the cases at work. Even though they had developed a stronger friendship, they didn’t get a chance to go out as often as they would like._

_“Is your mom still coming home tomorrow?” Morgan asked as she got them another round of drinks._

_“Yes,” she answered. “She finished the program and seems to think this time she’ll be successful.”_

_She hesitated before asking, “And what do you think?”_

_“I’m hopeful,” she said honestly. “I want her to succeed.”_

_“Claire, I want you to do me a favor.”_

_“What?”_

_“If things are rough with your mom, talk to us. You don’t have to deal with her alone.”_

_She smiled as she took a drink, “That’s what Neil said too.”_

_“He’s right. I know you suck at asking for help.”_

_“Hey! I’ve gotten better.”_

_“Maybe with Neil. I have your back too, and so does Dash.”_

_She appreciated Morgan reaching out to her. She was hopeful that she wasn’t going to need to rely on any of them when her mother came back._

_“How are things with Dash?” Claire asked to change the subject._

_Morgan smiled, “Things are really good.” She leaned closer to her. “You know what would make things even better?”_

_“What?”_

_“A double date.”_

_“I got out with you two plenty.”_

_“That’s not a double date.”_

_“Why do you want all of us to go so badly?” she asked laughing._

_“I’m want to see how you two acts when you’re away from the hospital. You’re so professional half the hospital doesn’t even know you’re together.”_

_“That’s good. We want it that way. Our personal life is personal.”_

_Morgan rolled her eyes. “At the rate you two are going, you’ll have kids and people still won’t know.”_

_She took another drink. “What do you expect us to do?”_

_“You don’t even hold hands when you walk in together. Although you do still watch each other when you think no one else is paying attention.”_

_“We do not.”_

_Morgan snorted as she finished her drink. “You’re lucky you can’t get pregnant just by how he looks at you.”_

_They both started laughing at the ridiculousness of her statement. Claire knew she wasn’t wrong though, even if she tried to deny it, there were plenty of times when she made eye contact with Neil and wished they were home. They finished up their drinks and took an Uber home._

_Even though she had made an early therapy appointment in the morning, she went to Neil’s house. It was late and he was already asleep. She tried to be quiet but had a little more to drink that she realized, and she tripped and bumped into the bed._

_“You okay?” he asked sleepily._

_“Fine,” she whispered, as she climbed into bed. She immediately closed the distance between them and moved to rest her head against his chest, his arms came around her holding her tight._

_“Did you have fun?”_

_She felt her eyes already drifting closed, “Yes, Morgan thinks people don’t know I love you.”_

_He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “The people who matter know.”_

_“I love you,” she said softly as she fell asleep._

She had gotten up early to see Dr. Malkin before going to pick up her mother. She was honest with her about some of her fears in not only her relationship with Neil but also with rebuilding one with Breeze. She had felt as if she was finally in a place where she felt settled with him, and she had worried about having her mother back in her life. 

Her mother had now been back for a few days, but already Claire could feel the strain. Between work, rebuilding her relationship with her mom, and worrying about her mother, she hadn’t had as much time with Neil as she was used to. She missed him and worried about the impact having her mother back would have on their relationship.

Pulling up in front of his house, she yawned. Between the craziness at the hospital and dealing with her mom living with her again, she was exhausted. However, she was determined to spend some time with Neil. The past few days they had been so busy at the hospital and then she would go home to check on her mom. She hadn’t been sleeping well, between missing Neil and her concerns about her mom.

She could feel the familiar weight of anxiety pushing down on her from trying to deal with everything. She knew that Neil would be willing to listen and offer his support, yet she didn’t want to talk to him. She worried that he thought she was doing the wrong thing letting her mother back in and maybe he would get tired of the drama with her mother. She also just wanted to be able to enjoy being with him after missing him the past couple days.

She got her key ready to let herself in, but he was already at the door waiting for her. She was glad to see that he had missed her as much as she had missed him. He had barely shut the door, when he had pulled her to him and kissed her.

“I’ve missed you,” he said softly.

“I’ve missed you too.”

She let herself get lost in being back in his arms as she kissed him and pushed all other thoughts away. They pulled apart as the timer went off. He took her hand as they walked to the kitchen.

“How’s your mom doing?” he asked.

“She seems to be doing well. She’s quiet. We’ve been talking about what happened, actually talking with each other and not just when we see the therapist.”

“That sounds good,” he said as he took the lasagna from the oven. “And she’s okay with you staying here tonight?”

“I told her I’d be back later.”

He turned to face her, “I thought you’d stay here, and we could go into work together tomorrow.”

She shook her head, “She’s only been back a few days, with work being crazy, I don’t want to leave her by herself too long.”

“Claire, she’s an adult, you have to trust that she’s going to be able to take care of herself.”

“I know she can, I’d just feel better if I was there with her.”

He took a step towards her. “Her health and sobriety are not your responsibility. You can be there to support her, but it’s not your job to take care of her. She will be okay if you’re away for a night.”

“I’m sorry that my mother is getting in the way of your plans for getting lucky,” she snapped

“I didn’t say that,” he reached for her hand. “I’ve barely seen you the past week. I want us to spend time together.”

“I thought we were.”

He sighed. “We are, but I don’t want you to get wrapped up in your mother again.”

“But getting wrapped up in you is okay?” she argued. “I can’t take care of mom and be in a relationship with you?”

Frustrated, he answered, “Stop putting words in my mouth. That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are you saying?” she asked, stepping away from him. “Because it feels like you’re making me pick between the two of you.”

He reached for her again, but she took another step back. Part of her was aware that she was being ridiculous, that she was tired and stressed and was picking a fight with him for no reason, but the other part of her couldn’t stop thinking that maybe this was how he really felt.

“I would never ask that of you. I know you’re working on getting things back on track with your mom, but I’ve also missed spending time with you. You can do both.”

“Right now, Mom needs me to be there for her. If you don’t understand that, then I think I should go.”

She turned to leave, feeling her eyes burn with tears.

“I don’t understand why you’re fighting with me,” he said following her. “All I said was that your mom would be okay if you stayed the night.”

She turned to face him, “And what if she’s not?”

“You can’t be responsible for what she does.”

Shaking her head, she slipped her shoes back on and grabbed her purse.

“Claire, please don’t go.”

She saw the confusion and hurt in his eyes. She wanted to go to him, but at the moment felt too overwhelmed by everything.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He reached for her hand. “At least let me know when you get home.”

“I will.”

“I love you,” he said softly.

“I love you too.”

She pulled the door shut behind her, not wanting to see Neil standing there. She climbed into her car but started crying before she could get it started. She didn’t know what was wrong with her and why she couldn’t just talk to him. She thought about going back in but wasn’t sure if she had just ruined everything between them.


	18. Chapter 18

Neil stood by the door trying to figure out what had happened. He felt like one minute they were kissing and the next she was walking out the door thinking that he wanted her to pick between him and her mother. The two of them would get into little disagreements about things, but nothing that felt like this. He felt unsettled after her walking out. 

He had been honest with her that he had missed spending time with her and had assumed that she would be staying the night. He worried about her with her mother and he had hoped that spending the night with him would give her a break. He could tell that she was exhausted, and he didn’t want her to be overwhelmed as she had been the when her mother had first come back.

He replayed their conversation over and didn’t think that he had said anything wrong. He didn’t want to leave things with her as they were, he wanted to make sure she was okay, and hoped that he could get her to talk to him. He felt as if something else was going on and she was trying to push him away again. He decided that he needed to go to her, he wasn’t going to let whatever was going on to continue. He quickly put on his shoes and grabbed his keys and phone. He opened the door and was startled when he found her standing there.

He could tell that she had been crying. It seemed he wasn’t the only one unsettled by their argument.

“I’m sorry I walked out,” she said, wiping away her tears.

He took her hand. “You didn’t go very far.”

“I was debating if I should come back in. I wasn’t sure if you’d want me to.”

“Of course, I would.” He tugged on her hand, bringing her back inside. 

She stepped closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. He returned her embrace and pressed a kiss against her forehead. He thought of when she had pushed him away after her mother relapsed and was relieved she hadn’t done the same thing this time.

He poured them both a drink and they settled in on the sofa. He watched her for a moment and saw what he had missed when she had first come in. He had been so excited to see her that he hadn’t seen just how much she was carrying on her shoulders. He knew that having her mother back home was weighting on her.

“I’m sorry I gave you the impression I wanted you to choose between being here with me and being with your mother,” he started.

She sighed. “I know you didn’t mean it like that. I think I was projecting how I’ve been feeling lately. It feels like I need to be with her so I can keep an eye on her, but I want to be here with you.”

“Have you been getting any sleep?” he asked, hoping she’d be honest with him. 

She shook her head, “I haven’t been sleeping well,” she admitted. “I miss you, and I can hear mom walking around sometimes at night, which worries me.”

“Have you talked to her about it?”

“She said it’s too quiet. She’s gotten used to noise at the center.”

“What can I do to help you?”

She took a sip of her drink. “I don’t know. Everything has been going so well, and now with mom back I just feel like it could all fall apart so easily.” She turned towards him. “I don’t know why you put up with me.”

He frowned, “What do you mean?”

“I accused you of making me pick between you and mom, I walked out on you, and you’re still trying to take care of me.”

“You might have walked out, but you came right back. You’re stressed out, exhausted, and worried about your mother. You might not have handled it the best way, but I understand. Claire, I’m always going to be here for you. I want you to talk to me and lean on me.”

“I feel like I’m letting you down.” She wiped away a tear. “You do so much for me and what do I do for you?”

It hurt him that she didn’t see herself the way that he did. That she didn’t know how much he had come to depend on her. He moved closer to her on the sofa and took both of her hands in his.

“I could spend the rest of the night telling you everything that you do for me and that still wouldn’t be enough time.”

She looked away. He reached and caressed her face drawing her eyes back to his.

“You’re my first and last thought every day. I miss you when I’m not with you,” He reached for her hands again. “Being with you has made me a better surgeon, a better person.”

“You were already pretty amazing.”

“And because of you I’m even more amazing,” he smiled as she rolled her eyes. “And so are you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

She leaned forward and kissed him. “I want that too.”

“Part of that is that you have to talk to me. Tell me when you’re hurting or scared or worried. We’re in this together.”

“I will.”

She moved even closer on the sofa so she could lean against him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

“I want you to know that you have my support with your mom, but I also want to make sure that you’re okay. You are always going the person I worry about. I saw how much it hurt you when she relapsed, and I don’t ever want you to go through that again. But I am by your side whatever you need.”

“I need you,” she said softy, “But I also still need to make sure she’s okay.”

“It doesn’t have to be a choice. I can come to you. We can have dinner with your mother.” He hesitated before asking, “Does she know we’re together?”

She groaned. “Yes, she knows.”

“That’s a bad thing?”

“No, she just likes to tease me that she knew it was going to happen.”

“Really?”

“When we first started running together, she pretty much implied that we should’ve been having sex.”

“She told me at your birthday party that I needed to tell you how I felt about you.”

“We were idiots.”

“No, it just wasn’t our time yet. It is now.”

“Would you like to come to dinner tomorrow with mom?”

“I would. I could even make you both dinner.”

“Doesn’t seem right to make you work.”

“I don’t mind.” He settled them together on the sofa with her snuggled close against him. “But right now, I want to tell you what we’re going to do tonight.”

“And what’s that?”

“We are going to eat dinner, then we’re going to come back to the sofa for a while.”

“And what are we going to do there?” she asked.

“A gentleman never tells.”

She looked around the room with a grin, “Do you see a gentleman anywhere?”

He ticked her in retaliation for her teasing, but was relieved that she seemed to be feeling better.

“You’ll tell me when you need to go,” he continued, “And I’ll walk you to the door, where I will spend at least twenty minutes trying to convince you to stay.”

“Does it work?”

“No, but you will text me when you get home, spend some time talking to your mom, and then when you get into bed, you will call me and we’re going to talk until you fall asleep.”

“That sounds nice.”

Neither made a move to head into the kitchen for dinner. He was content to hold her in his arms after their earlier disagreement. He hoped that she realized how much she meant to him, and that she didn’t need to separate the people in her life. He hoped this was another step in her realizing she could depend on him.


	19. Chapter 19

Claire stood at the nurses’ station finishing up her chart for her current patient. She pushed away her nervousness about Neil coming over for dinner with her mom after shift. She thought about last night and knew how lucky she was to have him in her life. She had completely overreacted and walked out on him when she was tired and stressed. She immediately regretted it and came back to his door just as he was opening it. They had talked through what she was feeling. She was grateful that he was so understanding, and glad that she had gone back to him instead of running away.

_After a few minutes in his arms, Claire gently pressed a kiss against his chest before positioning herself to reach his lips._

_“Maybe we should make a change in your plan,” she said._

_“What change did you have in mind?”_

_She kissed him. “We are already on the sofa.”_

_“We are,” he said smiling. “But I know you.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_He kissed along her jaw and whispered in her ear, “I know you skipped lunch and are starving.”_

_Her stomach growled loudly proving his point. Laughing they stood up and made their way to the kitchen. He turned on some music as he dished out the lasagna and they sit at the counter eating. Since they hadn’t been able to spend a lot of time together the past few days, they filled each other in on what had been going on._

_“That was delicious,” Claire said as they finished up. “I’m glad one of us can cook.”_

_“I keep offering to teach you.”_

_She made a face, “It tastes better when you make it, although I don’t mind helping.”_

_He smiled at her. “I like when you help too.”_

_She stood to clear the dishes, but he stood up and placed them back on the table._

_“What?”_

_“That can wait. Dance with me,” he asked holding out his hand to her._

_“I don’t remember that on your agenda for tonight.”_

_He shrugged, “Change of plans. Please?”_

_Rolling her eyes, she placed her hand in his and let him pull her towards him. She stepped towards him and wrapped her arms around him as she rested her head against his chest. They swayed together to the music. Between the movement and the contentment of being in his arms, she felt her exhaustion start to catch up to her. Her eyes started to drift closed._

_After a few minutes she felt Neil’s chuckle as he pressed a kiss to her head. “You’re falling asleep, aren’t you?”_

_“Maybe,” she mumbled against him._

_He pulled away from her, a small smile on his face. “Go lay down, I’ll be in once I clean up.”_

_She shook her head, trying to hold back a yawn. “You cooked, I get to clean up.”_

_“Not this time,” he kissed her gently. “Go.”_

_She went back to lay on the sofa and tried to fight falling asleep. She had missed being with him the past few days and was sure when he had suggested they return to the sofa after dinner, sleep wasn’t what he had on his mind._

_Once he finished cleaning up, he joined her, pulling her against him._

_“I’m sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean to ruin the night.”_

_“I have you next to me,” he said, “Nothing is ruined. You need some rest.”_

_She knew he was right. Despite wishing that things could go differently, she snugged closer to him and fell asleep._

He had woken her up after she had been a sleep for a few hours and tried to convince her to just spend the night with him. He hadn’t wanted her to drive home while she was still tired. However, she still wanted to check on her mom. She called him when she got home and talked with him until she fell asleep again, which sadly didn’t take that long. 

As if he had known she was thinking of him, he came to stand beside her.

“Dr. Browne,” he said. “How’s your day going?”

“It’s good. How about you?”

“Better now,” he said winking at her.

She rolled her eyes as she tried to hide her smile. “Any plans for tonight?”

He glanced around to see if anyone was close by. “Just dinner with my favorite person.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“I’m sorry, did I say it was you?” he asked, teasing her. Leaning closer as if he was looking at the chart in her hand. “I really want to kiss you.”

“You’ll just have to wait,” she said, even though she wanted the same thing. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you tonight,” he said.

With one last look at each other, they both went their separate ways to deal with their patients. She saw a few different people in the ER and completed two surgeries with Dr. Lim. She saw Neil a few times in passing but didn’t get a chance to talk to him.

She texted him as she was leaving from her shift to see if he needed her to pick up anything for their dinner. He texted back that he had everything under control, and he would see her soon. She was looking forward to having him over and also nervous about how her mother would be.

She headed home, finding her mother sitting on the sofa writing in her journal.

“How was your day, baby?”

“It was good,” she said, dropping her things and sitting beside her. “How about you?”

“I went to that AA meeting today,” she said, closing her journal and placing it on the table. “It was better than that other one that smelled funny.”

“I’m glad it was helpful.”

Claire was relieved that her mother seemed to be taking her recovery seriously. She thought that her relapse had scared them both.

“I’m happy you invited Neil over tonight,” Breeze said. “I don’t want you to put your life on hold because I’m here.”

“I’m not,” she argued. “I saw him last night.”

“And you came home because you were worried about me.” She reached out and took her hand. “I know this is hard for you. I hurt you again, and I’m not going to do that anymore. But I need you to keep living your life. Claire, I don’t want to take anything else from you.”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m taking it day by day, but I think I am.” She squeezed her hand. “You help more than you could ever know.”

“I’m glad.”

“But you need to make sure you don’t neglect Neil either.”

“He’s fine.”

“I’m sure he would’ve liked you to spend the night last night.”

“He would have,” she admitted.

“Is he staying the night tonight?”

“I don’t know.”

“I just want to know if I’m going to need some earplugs tonight.”

“Mom,” Claire said rolling her eyes.

“What? I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

There was a knock at the door, thankfully interrupting them. Claire stood to let him in.

She turned to look at her mom, “Please behave.”

Breeze stood, “I make no promises. I’ve never got to have dinner with any of your boyfriends before.”

“It’s Neil, so please don’t be embarrassing.”

She laughed. “Fine.”

Claire took a deep breath before opening the door, finding him standing there with a few bags from the store. She felt better just being in his presence.

He leaned forward and brushed a gentle kiss against her lips, “You okay?” he asked softly.

“Better now.”

He smiled as he pulled out some flowers from one of his bags.

“Neil,” she groaned.

He glanced at the flowers and then back at her. “These aren’t for you. They’re for your mother.” He reached back into the bag and pulled out a small stuffed bear and handed it to her. “This is for you.”

She could tell he was proud of himself for momentarily annoying her with the flowers. She glanced at the bear and noticed that it was holding a heart that said, “I love you beary much.” Sometimes she wondered how she had fallen for someone who was such a sap, not that she would change a thing.

“I love you too,” she told him.

He smiled as he followed her in. Despite her mother’s happiness at Neil coming over, Claire could see that she was nervous as well. Neil went over and kissed her on the cheek and handed her the flowers. Claire’s dislike of romance definitely didn’t come from her mother, as Breeze’s eyes lit up.

“Thank you,” she said. She glanced over at Claire, who held up her bear before placing it on the shelf. She shook her head. “Still hate flowers I see.”

Neil laughed before asking Breeze, “How are you doing?”

“Much better. Thank you.”

The three of them headed into the kitchen as Neil unpacked the groceries to make tacos and her mom searched for something to put the flowers in, muttering that she needed to buy her a vase.

“What can I do to help?” Claire asked.

Neil handed her some vegetables to cut. She moved off to the side to get started.

“Smart not letting her actually cook,” Breeze said, as she placed the flowers on the table.

“You shouldn’t tease me when I have a knife,” Claire said with a grin.

“Baby you’re a brilliant doctor, it’s okay that you can’t cook.”

Seeing Neil trying not to laugh, Claire reached out and smacked him on the arm.

“What?” he asked, “She’s not wrong.”

Rolling her eyes, she wasn’t sure how she felt about the two of them getting along. They quickly settled into working together to make dinner. She felt his eyes on her occasionally, as he kept silently checking in with her. After a while, she forgot about how strange it was to have him and her mom together, and just enjoyed being with him. She would touch his back or drop a kiss on his shoulder when she walked by. Once she showed she was comfortable with their usually intimacy in front of her mother, he found excuses to touch her as well. She caught the smile on her mother’s face and wasn’t sure what she had been worried about earlier.

She knew that things with her mother still needed time to heal, but this time she felt more confident that it would be a success. And with Neil by her side she knew that she would be okay no matter what.

After making dinner they settled at the table to eat. Breeze asked Neil a few questions about his family and things generally went smoothly. She was glad her mother didn’t ask or say anything embarrassing.

When they were finished eating, they moved into the living room. Claire hesitated just a minute before settling in next to Neil and resting her head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her. They continued their easy conversation from dinner.

After talking for a while, her mother excused herself to go read in bed. She leaned over and hugged Claire and Neil before leaving them alone.

“I told you it would be fine,” Neil said wrapping his arm around her and pulling her even closer.

“You were right.”

“Of course, I was. How are you doing?”

“Always good when I’m with you,” she answered, moving so she could kiss him.

Suddenly the song _Let’s Get it On,_ started playing loudly from her mother’s room.

“Oh my god,” she said, resting her head against Neil’s shoulder. She could feel his laughter.

“Subtle,” he said.

“I think she’s trying to let us know she’s okay if you stay over,” she said sighing. “She asked me earlier if she’d need earplugs.”

His hand slipped up under her shirt, gently caressing her back. “That is weird, right?”

“Mom encouraging us to have sex? Very.”

She moved to kiss him again. They both jumped as the song changed to a loud heavy metal song. Both started laughing at the change.

“What is that?” Neil asked. “Are those even words?”

“I have no idea.” She went to kiss him again but neither could stop laughing at the ridiculousness of her mother’s music choices. “I’m sorry, I can’t with that music.”

“We could always go to my place,” he offered kissing her softly.

She still worried about her mother and what would happen with her, but she knew that Neil had been right last night telling her that she can’t always be there for her. She needed to trust that her mother would be okay. She needed to move forward and allow herself what she really wanted.

“Let me go tell her we’re going,” she said, kissing him.

She stood up and went to her mother’s room. She knocked on her door and ended up opening it even though she didn’t answer with the volume of the music.

“Mom,” she said, motioning for her to turn down the music. “Neil and I are going to spend the night at his house.”

“Enjoy yourself,” she said from bed where she was reading. 

“Call me if you need anything,” she said as she gave her mom a hug goodnight.

“Baby, if you’re answering the phone, he’s doing something wrong.”

“Mom!” she said rolling her eyes, “Trust me everything is perfect with him.”

“I’m sure it is. He adores you.”

“I think he’s pretty great too,” she said smiling.

“I’m happy for you Claire.”

“Thank you. Have a goodnight. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

She shut the door, happy when her mother didn’t start up the music again and wondering if that had been her way to send them to his place. She went into her room and packed a bag for staying the night with Neil. Finding him waiting for her in the living room, she was filled with anticipation for the night ahead. Taking his hand, they walked to his car ready to continue the night at his house. She was filled with a sense of peace knowing that she was able to be with him and not worry about her mom.


	20. Chapter 20

In the two months since Claire’s mom had returned from rehab, things had settled down and were going amazingly. They had figured out how to balance the various parts of their lives making sure that they always came back to each other. Claire had moved in with him, allowing her mother to stay in her apartment. When their schedule allowed it, they tried to have dinner with her mother once a week and see Gabi on the weekends. Claire continued the therapy sessions with her mother, and they would usually end up going to lunch afterwards. 

They also made sure that even if things ended up crazy at the hospital, that they always made time for each other, even if it was waking the other up when they got home from a late shift. Having her in his life made everything better. While he did miss having her by his side in the OR, he enjoyed going home to her every day. He had thought that it would be an adjustment when she had moved in, but as with everything in their relationship things moved smoothly. She learned to curb her messier tendencies, and he learned not to let it bother him. They did occasionally have disagreements, but had learned to work through them with each other.

Their relationship continued to grow and evolve as they learned more about each other. Looking back, it was crazy to him that they had waited so long to be together. He wasn’t sure how they had managed. The only regret he had with their relationship was that they hadn't started it earlier. 

He had a break between surgeries and noticed that Claire was doing a challenging surgery with Marcus. He headed towards the gallery so he could watch her. Even if he couldn’t work beside her anymore, he loved when the others were able to see her brilliance. And honestly, he just loved to watch her.

He stood watching her, finding her easily. He thought briefly of when she had first started and how much she had grown since then. How she had become someone who he depended on and trusted more than anyone.

He turned as the door opened, and Aaron walked in.

“Watching the surgery or Claire?” he asked.

“Can’t I do both?” Neil answered with a grin.

“We haven’t gotten the chance to talk lately. Things are still going well between you two?”

“Things are amazing.”

Aaron chuckled. “I remember when you started as a resident here. You were a challenge.”

Neil laughed. “I appreciate that you never gave up on me.”

“I knew you had potential and am glad you proved me right.” He glanced down into the OR. “You seem to have found peace.”

“I never expected to fall for a resident, but I am so glad that I did.”

“You can’t help who you fall in love with, Neil. And sometimes falling in love with someone you had no intentions falling for is the best kind of love. You can’t deny that connection.”

“No, you can’t.”

Aaron placed his hand against his shoulder. “I’m happy for you Neil.”

“Thanks.”

He stood for a few minutes after Aaron left before going to see his next patient. Aaron was right, looking back, his relationship with Claire was inevitable.

He didn’t see her for the rest of his shift as he was overwhelmed with patients after having a slow start to the day. He completed a few surgeries and saw some patients before heading to his office. He reached for his phone to text to her to see how much longer she wanted to stay. Her response came quickly that she was in the conference room looking over her notes for a surgery the next day.

Curious, he stood and headed to find her. He stopped in the doorway, watching her study her notes with the case files spread around her. He was brought back to the time during her first year when they sat across from each other and he had crossed the line asking her about children. It was a discussion that had come up again recently, both of them wanting a family but deciding to wait.

He watched her for a few minutes as she concentrated on the files in front of her. He couldn't help but smile at the dedication she always had for her patients. When she first started he thought it might be a weakness, her attachment to her patients. But as he learned from her, it helped make them both better surgeons. So much had changed since that night a few years ago, and he wouldn't change a thing.

“Everything okay?” he asked, causing her to jump.

“Just making sure that everything is set for tomorrow. It’s a very delicate procedure and we have to make sure we don’t make any mistakes, or our patient could be paralyzed.”

“Always making sure to take care of your patients,” he said, coming to sit across from her. “How long do you need?”

“I don’t know,” she looked up at him. “You can go home, if you want.”

“Why would I when you’re here?”

She rolled her eyes as she smiled. “I won’t be too long.”

She returned to studying her files and he studied her. He had no doubts that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Thinking of the ring he had hidden in his drawer at home, he thought of spending the rest of his life with her and wanted that to start now. 

Feeling his eyes on her, she looked up, “What?”

“Do you want to get married?”

He could tell that he caught her off guard. He stood up and moved to sit in the chair beside her, turning her so she was facing him. He reached for her hands. 

“Do you remember telling me in this room that finding someone you can’t live without is hard?”

“I do,” she answered softly.

“You are the person I can’t live without.” He reached up to caress her face. “I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me. Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” she said with tears in her eyes.

She leaned forward and captured his lips with hers. He pulled her closer both unable to stop smiling.

“I want you to know that I do actually have a ring for you at home. I had a whole plan for asking you, but seeing you sitting here, I didn’t want to wait another moment.”

She moved away slightly, a teasing smirk on her face. “I may have to change my answer after I see this ring you picked out.”

“I have no doubt that you’ll love it.”

He had found her a diamond ring that had an infinity symbol on each side with smaller diamonds, to match the necklace he had given her for her birthday.

“We should go home so we can see if you’re right.” She leaned forward and kissed him again. “And celebrate.”

“What about your patient?”

“We can look over it together n in the morning.”

He helped her pack up her files, both touching and kissing each other as they did. He was glad that they were in the conference room where no one would see them. He thought of locking the door and starting the celebration now, but he respected her desire to keep their personal life away from the hospital. They quickly packed up and headed home ready to celebrate.


	21. Six Months Later

Six Months Later

Breeze stood off to the side watching as Claire and Neil enjoyed their first dance together. Claire looked stunning in her white dress, wrapped up in his arms as they danced. The happiness they felt was radiating off them. Breeze couldn’t help but smile. She never would’ve thought that she would get to enjoy this moment with her daughter.

Through countless therapy sessions, arguing, tears and love they had been able to heal their relationship. She knew the way she treated Claire as a child, and even as an adult was unforgivable, but she was grateful that she was given another chance. Her daughter was the most compassionate woman she had ever met, and she knew that had nothing to do with her.

A few months ago, when Claire told her that she was engaged to Neil, she hadn’t been surprised. She knew there was something between the two of them when they first started going on runs together. She was still shocked that it took them as long as it did to admit their feelings. If she was honest, she had originally thought Claire was just trying to keep their relationship a secret from her. Their love for each other was obvious to her from the start, and he was everything her daughter deserved. They had a small wedding followed by a much larger reception, which Breeze knew was Claire’s compromise to be able to include all their family and friends but keep the actually wedding private. Breeze had been shocked when she had asked her to be by her side at the wedding.

She thought of all the things that she had missed out on with Claire, birthday celebrations, various achievements, award ceremonies, school dances, graduations, and even her becoming a doctor. She was so glad that she got to be part of this special day. Since rebuilding her relationship with Claire once again after she had relapsed, Breeze knew she had no intention for it to happen again. Having worked on healing their relationship, she knew just how much she had to lose if she didn’t stay sober, and she refused to be the cause of any more pain for Claire. She continued with therapy, AA, and seeing her doctor to keep up on her medications. 

Seeing Claire smiling in her wedding dress made it all worth it. She stood by her daughter’s side, Neil’s parents and sister by his, and watched as they pledged to love, honor and cherish each other for the rest of their lives. She had no doubt that they would be successful in keeping their vows. She had never seen anyone so perfect for each other, and who so clearly adored each other.

Watching them dance together, she wondered if they were even aware of everyone else around them. They seemed to be in their own world. Laughing to herself, she thought about what Claire could say if she was watching with her. She was always vocal in her dislike of romance, but her actions with Neil proved otherwise. Or maybe it was just because it was him that made all the difference.

“They look so happy,” Neil’s mother said coming to join her.

“They do.”

“I’m so glad that they found each other. We are so glad to have Claire as part of our family. She is an amazing woman.”

“She is,” Breeze agreed. “I’m very proud of her.” She turned towards his mother. “Neil is wonderful too.”

“Thank you,” she said, watching them dance. “They are going to have beautiful children.”

The comment startled Breeze. She had never really thought about grandchildren. She wondered if they would want her to be in their children’s lives. While things were much better between her and Claire, they had never talked about the role she would play when she had children. She wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t trust her.

She wasn’t sure what his mother knew about her relationship with Claire and the pain she had inflected on her as a child.

His mother turned to her with a grin, “Do you know what the best part of grandchildren will be?”

“What?” she asked softly.

“We can spoil them all we want and send them back to their parents.” She took Breeze’s hand, turning serious. “It’s also a chance to make up for our past mistakes.”

Breeze wondered what kind of mistakes she felt she had made with Neil.

“I look forward to it.”

They stood together for a while watching, before his mother was called away. As the song came to an end, Claire and Neil still stayed in each other’s embrace, until his father came over to them and took Claire’s hand. Claire laughed as he spun her around. Neil saw Breeze standing off to the side and came over to her.

He held out his hand, “Would you like to dance?”

“Okay.”

Breeze moved to the middle of the dance floor with him as they danced beside Claire and his father.

“Congratulations,” she said.

“Thank you.” He glanced towards Claire, “I’m a very lucky man.”

“Yes, you are,” she agreed. “Claire’s lucky too. You make her very happy.”

“She deserves all the happiness in the world.”

“And I know you will make sure she gets it.”

They continued dancing together and she noticed the way his gaze kept finding Claire’s. She was so glad that her baby had found someone who loved her as much as Neil did.

As the song ended, she said, “Thanks for the dance, but I think now you should go to your wife.”

She hadn’t thought that it was possible for him to look even happier.

“My wife, I like the way that sounds,” he said, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. “We’re really glad you’re here.”

“Thank you,” she said softly. “I’m glad to be here too.”

Feeling a little overwhelmed between the conversation with his mother and the amount of people on the dance floor, Breeze made her way out to the balcony for some fresh air.

She stood out looking over the gardens. Thinking about how so much had changed, and just how lucky she was to be healthy and able to have a real relationship with Claire. 

“Mom, are you okay?”

She turned to look at her daughter and felt a rush of affection for her. Her beautiful, talented, compassionate daughter, who turned out perfectly without any help from her.

“Just needed some air baby, I’m fine.”

Claire glanced behind her into the reception hall. “His family is a little overwhelming,” she admitted as she walked over to stand next to Breeze.

“I’m sorry you don’t have more family here.”

She took her hand. “I have you.”

Breeze looked away so she wouldn’t see her tears. She was once again struck by how lucky she was to have this chance to build a new relationship with Claire.

“Neil’s mother was talking to me about grandchildren.”

Claire rolled her eyes, “She’s asked me about that too. She’ll just have to be patient.”

She thought of teasing her about his mother’s excitement for grandchildren, but instead turned to face Claire and took both of her hands in hers. 

“You are going to be an amazing mother, and your children are going to be so lucky to have you.”

“Thank you,” she said softly, pulling her hand away to wipe away her tears.

“There is one thing though?”

“What?”

“I am much too young to be called grandma.”

They both laughed. “Well, we’ll just have to think of something much more glamourous for you.” 

She pulled Claire into her arms and hugged her tight. “I am so proud of you baby.”

“I’m proud of you too. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They stood together for a moment enjoying a hug that a few years ago would’ve been impossible. Countless hours of therapy, determination and Claire’s big heart lead to a relationship they never could’ve imagined before. She planned to continue to do whatever she could to make up for the past.

“Let’s go back in before that husband of yours sends out a search party for you.”

Linking her arm with Claire’s they walked back in together. Breeze made a promise to herself that given the opportunity she would be a much better grandmother than she ever was as a mother. As she watched Claire go to Neil, she had a feeling that she wouldn’t be waiting too long. She knew she would always have to work on staying sober and staying healthy, but as she looked to Claire, she knew it would it be worth it. The journey to this moment had been rough but it was all worth it. For the first time in a long time, she felt a sense of peace and she couldn’t wait to see what the future would bring for them all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone so much for taking the time to read and leave such wonderful feedback. I started with this idea over the summer and had outlined it to be about eight chapters. Every time I returned to the outline something just didn’t feel right with it. I eventually started over and this story came together, the only part that stayed from my original outline was Morgan and Neil being the ones who took care of Breeze when she released. I wanted to give Breeze and Claire a chance to heal and grow that they never had on the show, and I hope that I was successful. Thank you again for always being so supportive!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!


End file.
